The Brittany Pierce Birthday Party Train Wreck Extravaganza
by your-street-serenade
Summary: The Glee girls reunite for Brittany's 25th birthday bash and chaos ensues.
1. Chapter 1

**This fic was inspired by a real news story I read about a group of women in Minnesota. I do suggest going to Youtube and searching for 'unicorn float rescue' to fully appreciate what will eventually transpire here. I read a story about this incident and automatically my head went 'what if the glee girls…' and then this happened. Enjoy. :)**

 **Special thanks to LK, maythejulianaaa and shellygirl for telling me I needed to write this.**

 **X**

 **Sunday Morning. 4am.**

''This is how we're going to die,'' Sugar whimpered through a shiver.

''We are not going to die,'' said Tina.

''This is all your fault, Santana!'' Quinn accused.

Santana scoffed in response. ''How is this my fault?''

''You slapped our only cell phone out of my hand!'' Quinn reminded her of how Santana had basically drowned their one and only lifeline to civilization.

''Only because you were freaking out and about to totally capsize us, Quinn!'' Brittany defended her wife. ''She was trying to settle you down!''

Nearby Mercedes sighed inwardly to herself. ''This is the last time I participate in any sort of White Nonsense with you guys, I swear.''

''I'm not white!'' Tina shouted.

''And neither am I,'' added Santana.

''Well whatever!'' Mercedes hollered in frustration. ''The next time any of you want to go on some ridiculous adventure you can count me out!''

It was pitch black and Santana, Brittany, Quinn, Mercedes, Sugar and Tina were helplessly floating on a beach. The only thing keeping them above water was their raft which was really more like a huge ass party float. Or to be more precise a giant six person, ten foot long party float in the shape of a giant rainbow unicorn complete with huge colorful wings.

They had entered the waters the previous afternoon and had done a fair amount of goofing and drinking while floating around. Somehow without any of them really noticing their unicorn float had drifted further and further away from the shore and into a thick patch of seaweed. So thick and so heavy was it that they found it was virtually impossible to wade through with their flimsy float paddles. They were completely surrounded by the stuff for forty or fifty feet on every side of them and had been in the water floating for over twelve hours. Luckily the seaweeds were so dense it was keeping them in place and stopping their float from completely going adrift. They could still in the distance see land, they just had no way to get back to it.

It was just them, the waters and their unicorn.

It was...

A long story...

X

 **Flashback.**

 **Friday Morning. 9am.**

''Tada,'' Santana sang smoothly as she came up to hug her wife from behind.

''What is this place?'' Brittany asked.

Brittany marvelled at the gorgeous open spaced beachfront property that they stood within. It was ultra modern with sleek hardwood floors and a water view on each side. The furniture was beautiful and minimal, the accents were sharp and complementary. It was a very mature and elegant space.

''It's ours,'' Santana answered, her hands were still wrapped around Brittany's waist. ''I rented it for you, for us.''

''You what? Santana,'' Brittany said, still marvelling at the sophisticated home. ''This is crazy. This looks like one of the Real Housewives sets or like a place out of a really fancy porno. Why?''

''Why? It's your 25th birthday, Britt. You think I was going to let your day fly by without going all out?''

Brittany turned her head a few inches and gave her a thankful, happy peck on the lips. ''You did this for me?''

''Of course I did.'' Santana spun Brittany around a tad so they could be face to face. ''Just wait until you see the bedroom or the rooftop terrace or the jacuzzi.''

Brittany let out tiny happy squeaks of delight which made Santana beam with pride.

After all she never did anything in half steps, it was either awesome or nothing at all and for Brittany's 25th birthday Santana thought there was no better time to go awesome.

Santana had wanted to make it special for her wife and after knocking around a few ideas decided that perhaps getting out of the city would do them a little good.

New York City was wonderful and they had both found their stability and eventual professional success there but there were times where it felt like it was hard to catch their breath. Sure they were more comfortable than most tucked away in their own spacious apartment in lower Manhattan but Santana knew that sometimes Brittany longed for quiet and calm. And so Santana decided to give her wife just that for her birthday.

She spent weeks planning and arranging everything. Money was no object of course with a successful album under belt, not to mention the lucrative solo tour, so she allowed herself to splurge a little. Brittany herself was doing more than well too, having decided to take a step back from professional dancing to focus on choreographing for other high profile musical acts. They had both busted their asses to finally make a name for themselves and establish careers in their respective fields, Santana figured they deserved a nice relaxing break from the city.

Santana had made the appropriate calls and viewed a few locations before settling on one. In the end she chose the most lavish, most loud, most extravagant piece of property available. She wanted Brittany to have the biggest, best birthday bash for her 25th. And judging by Brittany's gleeful kisses she had done good.

''So it's just me and you here?'' Brittany asked.

''For now. We have tonight and most of tomorrow for ourselves but I may have invited a few guests over to help us celebrate your birthday. They should be here by tomorrow afternoon.''

''Who?''

''You'll just have to wait and see,'' Santana replied cryptically with a devilish grin. ''I also might have a few more surprises in store for you. I hope you packed plenty of bikinis.''

Santana then took Brittany's hand and led her through the house, moving from room to room so Brittany could appreciate all of the features. They walked through the ultra sleek kitchen to the stylish dining area to the huge open sitting area. She didn't bother with the many guestrooms and bypassed them in favor of showing off the pristine master bath with the huge tub Santana was hoping they would be able to put to use. Finally they ended up in the master bedroom. The master bedroom was large and open with one full wall made of floor to ceiling glass. There was nothing but a thin, gauzy curtain separating them from the most perfect, most serene view of the water. Santana hit a button on a nearby panel and just like that, the curtain began to open for them until it was moved to the side entirely.

This was what she wanted to most give Brittany. This quiet, calm, peaceful view of the earth and birds and the waves crashing softly off in the distance. It was a far cry from their place in the city.

''I can't believe you did this,'' Brittany said. ''I can't believe you.''

''Yeah well.'' Santana shrugged and played it cool. ''I wanted to give you a birthday you'd never forget and now that I'm making a name for myself I'm in a position to do that...to do this.'' She made a wave to the ridiculously fabulous beach house. ''Besides you do things and make me feel special all the time. Just last week for instance.''

''You mean when I went down on you backstage at the Grammys after you won Best New Artist,'' Brittany recalled and laughed.

''Mmmmm yeah,'' Santana hummed pleasantly. ''I mean it totally would've been even better if fuckin' Taylor Swift didn't stumble onto us but ya know.''

''I still don't like the fact that she now knows what your 'o-face' looks like,'' Brittany lightheartedly grumbled and pulled Santana into her, snaking her arms around her neck.

''Whatever. TSwift aside it was a night I'll never forget and not because I won some award but because I got to win it with you at my side. And now I have a whole weekend where I can make it all about you. It's your birthday so we can do whatever you want to do. We can relax, go swimming, get our tan on, sit under the stars at night, pop a couple of bottles, get some cuddling in, all of that. No distractions, no work, no noise.''

''Whatever I want?''

''Whatever you want…'' Santana made a silly show of checking her rose gold watch. ''Startingggggg now.''

Brittany's eyes lit up with mischief. ''In that case what I want is for you…''

''Yes?''

''To get naked.''

Santana raised a single brow. ''Oh really now?''

''Mmmhm.''

''I mean if it's your b day wish I guess I have to huh?''

Santana made a funny face as if Brittany really had to twist her arm when in actuality she was more than happy that Brittany's first birthday wish involved orgasms. That was definitely a birthday wish she was ready and willing to fulfill for her wife.

She started unbuttoning her jeans, shimmying them down her hips and stepping out of them and then moved to work on her blouse. She made a little bit of a show of it, popping each button open with an agonizing slowness until she rolled it off of her shoulders completely. Santana then lowered one of her hands to trace her fingertips down the tiny indentations of her own abs until they stopped to stroke the top hem of her panties. She let her fingers dance along the area just to torture Brittany who was watching with fascination.

''I hope I'm not the only one who's going to be naked here,'' Santana said as she finally decided to show a little mercy to her partner and take her panties off. She then went and plopped herself down onto the nearby bed. It was made up of crisp, fresh linens for their stay. She laid herself back, propping herself up slightly with her elbows and bent one of her knees up fully aware of what kind of view she was giving Brittany. She looked at her wife expectantly. ''Come on, get to it, let me see you in your birthday suit.''

It took Brittany a few seconds to shake herself alert but she did. She started immediately stripping although her method was quicker and less graceful than Santana's as Brittany yanked and threw her clothing off with little finesse. Brittany almost tripped over her own panties she was so eager to join Santana. She crawled on top of the mattress and made to blanket Santana's body with her own, their limbs mingled and moved against each other as they got comfortable.

''This is going to be the best birthday ever,'' Brittany declared as she leaned down for a kiss.

They spent the next hour making good use of the bed, twisting and turning within the sheets, admiring each other under the natural light streaming in from the view behind them. Skin met skin again and again as they moved together in slow degrees.

It was the perfect way to begin their weekend, Santana thought afterwards as she caught her breath and Brittany snuggled into her side.

After she gave Brittany a couple of very special birthday orgasms and that quick cuddle they took a long hot steamy shower to get cleaned up for dinner which arrived a short while later thanks to Santana's personal assistant who dropped it off and quickly disappeared. Along with their prepared dinner Santana had arranged for her employee to deliver several grocery bags full of food, supplies and liquor that would last them the next few days.

Clad in a short black silk robe Santana was setting the dinner table and carefully placing their food out onto plates when Brittany came scrambling down from the upper level of the property. She too was donning a robe although hers was lighter in color and splayed open to reveal her body clothed simply in bra and panties.

''After dinner can we go up on the terrace?'' she asked giddily.

''Of course.''

''And drink in front of the fancy fire pit?''

''Absolutely.''

''Also I want you to do me on a chaise.''

''Done,'' Santana said, more than happy to agree. ''Now come on, dinner is served.''

She made an elaborate wave to the table. Everything was perfectly placed and laid out, drinks were served, candles were lit. It was ridiculously romantic.

And so they sat and drank and laughed between mouthfuls with each other. There was no audience, no prying paparazzi, no work calls, no publicists or managers or assistants, no noise, no chaos, just each other. When they finished Santana insisted that Brittany sit and relax and finish off her drink while she cleared everything away.

She had tossed the scraps of food away and just set the dishes in the sink when she heard her phone begin to buzz on top of the kitchen island. Work calls were definitely off limits but when she saw the name on her screen she answered immediately.

''What up whore?'' she said in greeting.

''...sometimes I wonder why Brittany finds you so charming,'' Quinn said on the other end of the line.

''Uh because I am.''

''Whatever, I just wanted to call to let you know everything's going fine and me and the girls will all be there by noon tomorrow.''

Santana took a peek at Brittany on the other side of the house and began to speak in a hushed tone. ''Great. And you got it, right?''

''Huh?''

''You know, ittttt,'' Santana stressed in a whisper. _''The thing.''_

''The thing?''

''Yes the thing, the thing I had shipped to you because I was afraid Brittany would find it and my surprise would be ruined. You got it right?''

''Oh that? Yeah we got it.''

''And the pump? Don't forget the pump.''

''Will you relax? I have it taken care of. The thing will be there tomorrow, along with me, Mercedes, Tina and Sugar, stop worrying.''

Santana exhaled and seemed to breathe easier. ''I just want to make sure you have it. Brittany's going to flip out when she sees it. It's such a Brittany thing, she's gonna love it.''

''Yeah,'' Quinn softened. ''She will….well, I'll let you get back to your wife I just wanted to give you a heads up. Do you need us to bring anything for tomorrow? Groceries, drinks, anything?''

''What, no, I have everything taken care of. I got the kitchen stocked up enough for all of us, I got plenty of liquor, food and supplies. You just bring yourself and the girls and Brittany's surprise.''

''Okay then, will do.''

''Later ho.''

''Bye Santana.''

She ended the call with a grin and started to turn herself around to head back to the dining area when out of nowhere Brittany popped up in her line of vision.

''Dah!'' Santana yelped, dropping her phone to the hardwood floors.

''What's taking you so long?''

''Uhhh,'' Santana desperately tried to think of something to stall but came up blank.

Brittany went down to retrieve her cell and hand it back to her. ''You weren't making a work call were you?''

''What? Of course I wasn't. I told you, this weekend is all about you. I was just making sure a couple of your special birthday surprises were still a go that's all.''

''Really?''

''Really,'' Santana insisted. She tossed her phone onto the nearby kitchen island and then took both of Brittany's hands and started to lead her off. ''Now if I recall correctly someone requested I do her on a chaise on the roof.''

In the end what was meant to be a fun quickie ended up becoming so much more. The place was too beautiful to waste with a quick fumble and so they decided to take it all in and enjoy the romantic scene on the provided backless outdoor sofa on the rooftop terrace. They made love with the stars above them and the sound of the waves behind them and the crackling of the fire just a few feet away. They laid there afterwards staring up at the sky. Santana had pulled a nearby blanket over them when it began to get chilly.

''Thank you,'' Brittany said drowsily.

''Mmm. For the blanket?''

''Yeah for that but also for all of this, for sweeping me off my feet and giving me a really ridiculously romantic birthday.'' She stroked up and down Santana's side, her fingers dancing lazily over tan skin in a way that still made Santana shiver. ''But most of all thank you for being the most amazing wife anyone could ask for.''

Santana thanked her back with a sleepy kiss.

''Sometimes I still can't believe I'm the one who gets to have you like this, all to myself,'' Brittany said, her fingertips still tracing over Santana, soothing her to sleep. ''Everyone thinks that you're the lucky one but to me it's always been the other way around. I'm the lucky one. It's not even about what you can buy or any of the important people you work with and know, I was lucky before all of those things. Even if they went away I'd still think I was lucky. You love me with everything you are, whether we're living in a shoe box or a mansion, or waiting tables or winning Grammys. I'm the lucky one.''

''If you ask me I think we're both lucky.''

They dozed for a bit on the romantic setting before dragging themselves back inside where they found their way to the bedroom and climbed under the sheets to curl into each other. It was there wrapped up in each other that they let slumber overtake them.

X

 **Saturday Morning. 9am.**

Santana woke up to the smell of breakfast. Her grumbling stomach made her stumble out of bed and head for the kitchen in search of food and Brittany who was missing from the room.

It was there at the kitchen island Brittany stood, once again in her underwear and open robe, this time however she was surrounded by food products. She had apparently woken up and gotten into their food supply in the hopes of making breakfast. Brittany hadn't exactly been much of a cook in the old days back in high school but she had since gotten a better grasp of meal preparation since. She was no master chef but she knew her way around pretty well and was in fact far more advanced than Santana was.

''Oh, you weren't supposed to wake up,'' Brittany playfully grumbled when Santana went to join her at the island where she was preparing things. ''I was going to surprise you with breakfast in bed.''

''Surprise me? It's your birthday.''

''I know but you've been spoiling me so much already and we've only been here one day. I wanted to thank you.''

Santana moved behind Brittany and began kissing against her neck and behind her ear. ''I can think of some other ways you can thank me.''

''You haven't had enough already?''

''I'll never have enough,'' Santana said as she slipped her hands around and slowly peeled off Brittany's robe.

From behind Santana hummed at the sight of her in her bra and teeny tiny panties. Brittany moaned her approval and pushed herself back against Santana, silently offering herself up to her. And then it was a blur of hands roaming and hips moving and toast, jam and bacon falling to the floor, they moved together in a hot but sloppy scramble to get off. It wasn't soft or slow or even romantic, it was rushed and needy. It was a sort of primal chaos that led to Santana basically humping Brittany's ass as one of her hands worked hard and enthusiastically inside of Brittany's panties.

''Aw jesus gross!'' someone shouted causing them both to go statue still.

It was then that Santana realized that in the heat of the moment they hadn't heard their visitors arrive. They turned to the side of the house which was floor to ceiling glass and there on the other side of a tall sliding door stood Quinn Fabray, Mercedes Jones, Tina Cohen Chang and Sugar Motta. All of them were frozen in shock or possibly horror.

''Can I Instagram Live this?'' Sugar was the one to eventually break the ice as she spoke through the glass.

Brittany and Santana quickly extracted themselves from their heated embrace and were quick to cover themselves up, tying up their robes and smoothing their hair down to look more presentable. Brittany then hurried off to turn the lock and let them inside.

''What the hell are y'all doing here?'' Santana asked the group of women. ''You weren't supposed to be here for hours.''

''We made good time on the road,'' Quinn stated defensively. ''What? How were we to know we'd walk in on you and Brittany mid-bang?''

''It's me and Brittany, do you even know us?'' Santana asked. ''You didn't think to knock on the door?''

''Uh we did and we got no answer,'' said Mercedes.

Santana rolled her eyes dramatically. ''So naturally you all decided to be pervs and watch us through the sliding door?''

''We only came around to the sliding door because we thought it might be open,'' said Tina.

''Wait, what's going on?'' Brittany held up her hands and looked between her friends and her wife.

''It was supposed to be a surprise,'' Santana began to explain to the birthday girl. ''I even had a super elaborate way of revealing them all worked out in my head but tada.''

''Tada?'' Brittany squinted.

''Yeah tada,'' Santana continued looking all proud. ''You're always talking about how much you miss the glee club and being together like the old days so I thought in honor of your birthday I could reunite the members. Or like the less annoying members anyway. Basically just the glee girls.''

''Where's Rachel?'' Mercedes asked as she turned in place, taking in the house as a whole.

''Well, the glee girls sans Rachel,'' Santana elaborated.

Quinn, Mercedes and Tina gave her matching stern, disapproving looks.

''Hey I'm sparing you guys okay,'' Santana reasoned. ''This is Brittany's beach birthday bash which means we're all going to be drinking, partying and swimming. If I would've invited her out here we would've all had to have seen her do drunk karaoke _in a bikini_ , excuse me for thinking about your emotional and mental health.''

''Whatever,'' Tina said with a shake of her head and a little jig. ''Where's the bathroom I have to pee? I've been holding it for an hour in the car.''

''And the guestrooms so I can freshen up?'' Mercedes requested.

''And the nearest hospital so I can get my eyes professionally flushed out?'' asked Quinn.

Brittany and Santana pointed them off in the appropriate directions with Tina making for the nearest bathroom and Mercedes and Quinn taking everyone's bags to the guest quarters. This of course left Sugar who had made herself comfortable in the sitting area, lounging about on the large main sofa and busying herself with her phone.

''You invited them out here for my birthday?'' Brittany asked Santana.

''Well yeah.'' Santana shrugged.

''Why? I mean if this was your birthday weekend you wouldn't care about getting the gang together.''

''I know, that's the point though it's not my birthday weekend it's yours and I know _you_ would enjoy this. Every time we read an article or see something on the news about one of the girls you always get that cute longing look in your eyes. With the way things are, it's not exactly easy for us to get together anymore. Either someone's recording an album or shooting a movie or flying off for an event or...being Sugar nowadays. I know how much you miss them sometimes and so I made some calls and talked them all into clearing their schedules for the weekend so we could celebrate your birthday together.''

Brittany looked like she was going to melt as she pulled Santana close to her. ''You are too sweet. Thank you.''

''This isn't even the best part of your birthday surprise.''

''There's more?''

''You have no idea.''

It was true, Santana had arranged for their old friends to join them because she knew it would please Brittany to see the girls but there was a small part of herself that perhaps did do it because she too missed them in her own way.

Mercedes of course was off being her superstar self. Her life had turned into a whirlwind after opening for Beyonce. There were albums and tours and promotional appearances. Critics loved her and often touted her as being ''the princess of soul'', the performer the world had been waiting for, the rightful heir to the throne after the queen of soul, Aretha. She had also found a way to parlay her singing career into other things, occasionally appearing as a model for print ads and stamping her name on a signature fragrance or make up product. She had in essence become America's Sweetheart.

Tina, meanwhile, had somehow found herself becoming a sort of indie romcom queen. Thanks to Artie's little movie turning into some sleeper smash hit a few years back, Tina was in hot demand to play kooky-sweet leads. She was quick to capitalize on it. She wanted to make a name for herself and clear a few checks before the world got sick of her like they did Jennifer Lawrence she often said. Because of this Tina had somehow managed to film three features in the span of a year which of course didn't leave her a lot of down time since she was always on location.

Quinn, well Quinn was doing the actress thing too although her movies were vastly different from Tina's. Quinn had a certain pedigree if you will having studied drama at Yale. Tina's flicks were often quirky and cute and whimsically entertaining while Quinn always opted for more intense cerebral films where her character was always running around looking confused and/or scared. She had done a few stuffy period pieces as well. None of them were really Santana's cup of tea because she often found them so insufferably pretentious although she did quite enjoy Quinn's latest movie. It was some weird art house film revolving around a torrid lesbian love affair. Yeah Santana had stuffed her face full of popcorn and went to watch that on opening day. She may have even shouted ''get some Quinn!'' at the screen during the love scene.

As for Sugar, well. She was Sugar. Sugar Motta didn't exactly have a very traditional career and yet oddly enough she was quickly becoming a household name. Sugar wasn't much of a singer or an actress or any kind of performer for that matter, but she did have a lot of friends who were. She was still really tight with everyone from the old glee club days and thus, she always got invites to premieres and parties and various events. In the beginning no one really knew who she was when she showed up on the red carpet but after awhile fans took notice. Not only did they take notice they started following her on social media. Super fans of Tina's or Brittany's or Mercedes' would occasionally spot Sugar in an Instagram or Snapchat with one of them and because of her friendship she would just get random follows for those who happened to be super obsessed. Because if Sugar was close friends with their idol they wanted to follow Sugar too for any chance sighting of their favorite celeb.

Soon Sugar found herself with close to a million followers and since she finally had an audience she decided to try to entertain them. Naturally she became a Youtube sensation with her over the top personality. Soon she was dominating the landscape, posting vids about her weekly trips to Taco Bell, her intense and massive collection of Back To The Future memorabilia, making collabs with that unfunny doily Shane Dawson, getting into Twitter beefs with Jeffree Star, doing makeover videos with her favorite drag queens. Media outlets would occasionally hire her to work as a zanny red carpet commentator for the Teen Choice Awards or the VMAs or some such. She had become a legit internet and television personality. Her followers were no longer following her to get a glimpse of her famous friends, they were following Sugar for Sugar. Thanks to ads and various endorsements deals Sugar was making bank too.

Getting the girls to clear their schedules for a few days was no small feat and Santana was low key looking forward to getting her drink on and reminiscing (bitching) about the old glee days. Plus she also figured they all needed a mini vacation from all of their career obligations. They were all due for some fun.

Once everyone got settled in, Santana encouraged Brittany to give everyone a tour and Brittany was happy to oblige. She was completely in love with the place and eagerly showed the girls from room to room, feature to feature, the elaborate staircase, the rooftop terrace, the home theater, the balcony from the master bedroom, the hot tub and pool, the master bath where everyone marvelled at the bidet. Eventually after a half hour of strolling around the property they all ended back inside in the living area.

Mercedes shoo'd Santana and Brittany upstairs to get dressed for the day and insisted she and the others could entertain themselves until the returned. When they did they were both pleasantly surprised to find Quinn had finished preparing breakfast and Sugar had fixed them all mimosas.

Instead of eating at the table they all opted to relax and scatter themselves across the living area on various chairs and couches. They all kicked off their shoes and let their hair down. It was a reprieve from the constant pressures each of them felt to be ON, to be proper, to be a performer in front of cameras or press.

''...it's not a done deal yet but I am excited about the preliminary talks I'm having. So, fingers crossed.'' Mercedes had just told them about one of the projects she and her people were in the process of nurturing to fruition.

''A day time talk show? That is insane,'' Tina marvelled and stuffed a piece of french toast in her mouth as she began to speak. ''I don't know how you do it.''

''Do what?'' asked Mercedes.

''Have your fingers in so many different projects,'' Santana said. ''Music and touring and makeup and endorsements and now, what, a talk show?''

''Well it's not official yet. We're just in talks,'' Mercedes said, holding a halting hand up. ''But if it were to happen I would definitely have to temporarily but the music stuff on the back burner which I'm okay with. Music is always going to be there and it's always going to be a passion but I definitely want to explore other avenues of entertainment. My career is secure and stable enough where I can do that now and dabble. Who doesn't want to be the next Oprah?''

''I call first dibs!'' Tina shouted. ''If it all goes, I totally call being your first guest.''

''Yeah no Chang,'' Santana shushed her friend. ''I'm gonna be the first guest. Right Mercedes?''

''Yeaaaah about that.'' Mercedes wrinkled her face up almost apologetically. ''I made some calls and if this thing does end up happening I kind of already locked in another friend as my first guest.''

''It better not be Quinn,'' Santana said, picking a piece of fruit up from her plate and hurling it across the room and onto Quinn's face. From her spot nearby Brittany reached over and ate said piece of fruit which had fallen into the cushions.

''It's Beyonce,'' Mercedes answered.

''You're forsaking me and Tina for Beyonce,'' Santana said with comical devastation. ''Tina I'd understand because I mean, it's Tina.''

''Shut up Santana,'' Tina huffed.

''But meeee?'' Santana resumed her dramatics. ''I'm wounded Jones, wounded.''

''Good for you Mercedes,'' Brittany cheered, shifting the focus back to her friend. ''If anyone can pull it off it's you. People would totally tune in to you every day.''

Mercedes waved her hands about as if it was no big feat, as if the project wasn't something to be proud of. ''What about you, Brittany?''

Brittany took a calm sip of her juice. ''What about me?''

''My assistant forwarded me an email yesterday. Something about you signing on for a permanent judges seat on Dancing With The Stars,'' said Mercedes.

''She's replacing that robot bitch Jullianne Hough,'' Santana exclaimed. She was on her fifth mimosa and feeling it.

''She's not a robot bitch,'' Brittany said of the former dancer and judge. ''But yes, she's moving on from the show and there was an empty seat they needed to fill before the new season. They were looking for someone young and hip and it was down to me and a couple of other people and, yeah. I signed the contract weeks ago. I'm pretty jazzed.''

Sugar clapped her hands like a baby seal. ''You know for past seasons they've actually tried to contact me about appearing as a star on Dancing With The Stars.''

''Why?'' Santana cracked up. ''You're barely a star.''

''Hey I have four million YouTube subscribers!'' Sugar shouted passionately. ''How dare you! I am an influencer!''

''What about you, Quinn,'' Brittany again moved the conversation along. ''What are you up to? You have anything in the pipeline you're excited about?''

''I do actually,'' Quinn said and inhaled a piece of bacon. ''I just finished a period drama, it's an HBO pilot about Victorian era prostitutes.''

''Oh I am gonna watch that so hard,'' Santana declared.

''So I'll hopefully hear good news about that in a few weeks if it gets picked up,'' continued Quinn he began to frown. ''But honestly I don't have a lot on my plate right now. The scripts that do come in don't really excite me, and the ones that excite me don't really go anywhere production wise. It's getting really frustrating.''

The girls collectively hummed in sympathy.

''Although I do have one very interesting offer that _could_ be incredibly lucrative,'' Quinn said.

''Is it porn?'' Tina asked with a grimace.

''What? Ew! No!'' laughed Quinn. ''I would never. Okay what I'm about to say must never leave this room. It has to remain hush.''

''What?'' Mercedes asked.

''Now keep in mind I haven't agreed to this at all but…'' Quinn spoke quietly even though they were alone. ''My people were contacted by a very famous actor's team and it seems this well known name is looking for a girlfriend. Or actually someone to play his girlfriend.''

They looked between themselves as they all pieced together what Quinn was trying to communicate to them.

''You mean like a PR relationship kind of thing,'' Sugar said.

''Quinn, what the hell,'' Mercedes said, laughing in disbelief and even a bit of disappointment.

''Hey,'' Quinn said, ''I haven't agreed to it. My people just let me know that the offer was on the table. It's like a legit contract. I'd have to sign papers and everything. I would normally never consider it but I saw the number they were offering me to play along and it's not like I would even actually have to do anything with him than just pose on the read carpet and be seen going grocery shopping together.''

Santana made a stank face. ''This is soooo you. Out of all of us, you would be the one to do the PR thing and be someone's beard.''

''What the hell does that mean?''

''It means once again you're letting some dude define your existence,'' said Santana. ''It's gross.''

''I just said I haven't said yes to it,'' Quinn said standing up, gathering her plate as well as a few others and walking towards the kitchen island to set them down before returning to the sitting area. ''I just said it's on the table. What would be so wrong with taking it?''

''Nothing if that was your only option,'' said Mercedes. Her tone was of course more gentle and less accusing than Santana's. ''But I know for a fact it's not. Just last month you told me you turned down two big studio romcoms.''

''Yes I did and I turned them down because they're romcoms,'' explained Quinn.

''Whoa, what's wrong with romcoms?'' asked Tina. ''Those are fun, I love doing those.''

''Nothing, I just don't find them very intellectually challenging.''

Tina squinted, offended. ''Wow.''

''And I'm a serious trained actress,'' Quinn continued. ''I can't be expected to settle for those kinds of scripts. I don't think any of you guys understand how difficult the entertainment industry is for someone like me.''

''Oh my god this is so sad, Mercedes Jones, sing Despacito,'' Santana said with a straight face.

''Someone like you, Quinn? You mean a pretty blonde white girl?'' asked Tina.

Quinn chuckled awkward like. ''Why is everyone attacking me?''

''We're not attacking you,'' Brittany said, playing mediator. ''We just think you're being ridiculous. I think all of us can agree that you're more talented than that.''

''You know what,'' Sugar interjected and wiggled her way off the couch and over to the bar area in the corner of the room. She grabbed a couple of bottles and turned around with them at her hips. ''I think this conversation is in danger of getting super serial up in here so we should all relax. We didn't come here to argue or question anyone's mega weird life choices, we came here to hang and celebrate Brittany's b-day right? So let's do it. Let's put some music on, pop open some bottles and chillax.''

Santana stood up from her seat and gently pulled her wife up along with her. ''For once, I agree with Sugar. This is Brittany's weekend. We're here for her.''

Tina, Mercedes and Quinn rose as well and were soon handed fresh glasses of alcohol courtesy of Sugar. ''A toast,'' Sugar declared, holding her drink up. ''To the birthday girl.''

''To the birthday girl,'' they all repeated, clinking their glasses together.

''And to a weekend we'll never forget,'' Brittany added herself. ''Let's get this party started!''

And so, the festivities began...

X


	2. Chapter 2

The next several hours were filled with dancing and karaoke thanks to the built in sound system in the living area. Even though the drinks were flowing no one had reached sloppy drunk levels, they were just at the edge though. They'd had enough to feel good but not enough to get completely smashed. It was still early in the day after all.

For the past half hour they had each taken their turn with the mic, getting down and silly as the others laughed and whooped it up. They even decided to do a girl group number for old time sake. Everyone had tossed a few suggestions out into the air but in the end they landed on Fifth Harmony's _Work From Home._ Maybe it was the drinks or all of their goofing but it was surprisingly easy to fall back in tune with each other as they worked out their version of the song. They only had to go through it a couple of times before they nailed it, complete with sexy, fun choreography and a solid vocal arrangement. Sugar was a little bummed because she was the odd woman out until Brittany reminded her that she could always do the rap part, which instantly excited Sugar who gave her best Ty Dolla $ign impression when it was her turn. Sugar was a surprisingly good rapper.

It was just like the glee days, performing for fun and for themselves as they danced up and on and around each other, bouncing on couches and coffee tables. They were into it, they were feeling it. It did eventually come to a halt though when during the _''work, work, work, work, work, work, work''_ part of the song Brittany started backing her ass up onto Santana which led to some grinding which led to them getting hot and heavy and making out, which let to someone's boob getting groped, which led to them falling over the back of a couch.

''Okay, okay, okay,'' Sugar said, stopping the music and hushing everyone to settle down. ''That was fun but I think it's time for something a little more mellow. Everyone take a seat cause I got the next song.'' She grabbed the mic and started queuing up an instrumental track. It began with a gentle acoustic guitar. ''This one's for you, Quinn!'' she shouted and stood up on the coffee table.

The others stood and watched in awe and in amusement as Sugar began wailing. She moved through the verses slightly slurring and only really began to sing with fire and conviction when she started in on the chorus of her song.

''...Something-something-something, something-something-something, something-something-something, DES-PA-CITO!'' Sugar sang-shouted her tiny heart out. ''Something-something-something, something-something-something, something-something-something, DES-PA-CITO!''

''You are nailing this song Sugar!'' Santana said sarcastically before downing the rest of her drink from a party cup.

They let Sugar finish her weird but impassioned cover of _Despacito_ before Mercedes spoke up and floated the idea that they all move the party outside to the lavish pool area, or more specifically the hot tub. Everyone was quick to agree to a change of scenery and they all broke to go back to their respective rooms. The plan was to take a half hour to change into their swim wear before heading out into the sun.

Santana was quick to shed her clothing and wiggle into her bikini. She left Brittany in their bedroom, snuck down the hall and knocked on one of the guest room doors. Mercedes, decked out in a one piece and poolside robe, answered.

''Hey, Quinn's sharing a room with you right?'' Santana asked, to which Mercedes nodded. ''Tell her to get her white girl ass out here.''

Mercedes rolled her eyes but disappeared from the doorway. Soon Quinn came and took her place. She was tying up her own poolside robe as she came face to face with Santana.

''What's up?'' Quinn asked and then gave Santana a once over. Santana hadn't bothered with a robe and stood confidently in her swimwear. ''Don't you have something to wear over your bathing suit?''

Santana let out a puff of air in amusement. ''Uh yeah probably but I didn't rent out this beach house to be modest up in here. _For your informations_ Quinn one of Brittany's birthday wishes was for me to be in a permanent state of undress this weekend-''

''Ew.''

''-you're lucky I have a bikini on at all frankly. If you don't want to look at my bidness don't look at my bidness.''

''Fine, what is it that you wanted me for?''

''I need you to help me get _the thing_ ready,'' Santana said. ''It's in your car trunk right?''

'' _We have to do that now?_ We were just about to get into the hot tub,'' Quinn whined. ''I really wanted to unwind.''

''Yeah well, I had to leave Brittany back in our room to put sunscreen lotion _on herself_. Trust me, I'd much rather be getting my grope on helping her slather that stuff on but we're all making sacrifices here, Q.''

''Let me get my keys. Meet me in downstairs in the garage in like two minutes.''

Quinn quietly shut the door. Santana turned around and was about to make a start of it only to bump into Sugar who was walking down the hall and holding her phone out and up while speaking.

''Hey Sugar Cookies,'' Sugar said to the screen, addressing her fans. ''So me and some friends you might recognize are about to hit up the hot tub. Keep checking my Stories to see some shenanigans and tomfoolery. Also I have some pictures and a poll up on Twitter, tell me what bathing suit I should rock today, I want to hear from you. Finally, I just want to give a shout out to Coppertone who's products I use and love!'' Sugar held up a bottle of lotion for the camera and was extra careful to display it so the name was in focus. ''Coppertone! The leading sunscreen in the United States! Protect your skin from harmful UVA and UVB rays! That's Coppertone! Sun protection for the whole family! Anyways that's all for now Sugar Cookies. Catch ya laters.''

And with that Sugar ended her video, tapped a few buttons and looked up at Santana who was studying her open mouthed.

''Did you just do an ad on your Instagram Story?''

''Uh I just made myself five thousand dollars and yes,'' Sugar answered smugly.

''Whatever. I need a favor from you, Motta.'' Santana didn't wait to see if Sugar would agree or not, she just bulldozed on. ''I have to take care of something downstairs in the garage. It shouldn't take me long but I need you to keep Brittany occupied until I come back. You get her and the girls outside and in the hot tub and whatever you do, don't let her go looking for me or Quinn for that matter.''

''Why?''

''It's a surprise and you don't want to ruin Brittany's birthday surprise right?''

Sugar shook her head.

''Good, then do me a solid and keep Brittany busy until I get back.''

''Got it.''

Sugar was about to march off but Santana yanked her back, pulling her by her collar almost as if Sugar were a baby kitten being handled by her mother.

''And another thing,'' Santana started. ''This weekend is for us. You, me, Mercedes, Tina, Quinn, but most importantly Brittany, it is not for you to share with your strange little fanbase.''

''My fans are called Sugar Cookies FYI,'' Sugar said, almost offended.

''Well whatever you call them, I don't care. I don't want you posting anything about this weekend on social media. We have to do enough of that crap as it is, this is supposed to be a vacation from all of that. So no more Instagram or Twitter or Snapchat.''

''Can I still use Tumblr? The Sugar Cookie community is like really, really strong there.''

''No! No social media. Give me your phone.'' Santana confiscated Sugar's phone and turned it off.

Sugar however magically produced yet another phone from behind her back. ''Can I still use my secondary phone?''

''No.''

''How about my third?'' Sugar again pulled another phone out.

''Why do you have so many phones?''

''I'm an influencer, social media is my job. I have different phones that I use for different things.'' She produced one more phone from behind her. ''I use this one to anonymously write RPF about you and Brittany.''

Santana closed her eyes in aggravation, took a breath and calmly stated, ''Sugar I love you but you are a headache and I need you to go away from my face right now.''

''Okay I'm going, I'm going…''

When Santana opened her eyes again Sugar was gone. Santana sighed in relief and once again started to make her way downstairs. She stepped into the kitchen and pulled open a drawer where she then deposited all of the phones she had confiscated off of Sugar, from there she made her way to a white door at the side of the house that lead to the garage space where Quinn's rented vehicle was parked. She admired it for a few minutes until Quinn herself entered and shut the door connected to the house behind her. With a press of a button on a key fob the trunk popped open.

There in the middle of the compartment was a plain brown box.

''Here's the instructions,'' Quinn said, holding up a folded white sheet of paper.

''Puh, who needs instructions-aw shit why is this so heavy?!''

''Yeah, the packing slip that it came with said it's supposed to be over 40 pounds...uninflated that is.''

Santana and Quinn stared down at one of Brittany's birthday gifts.

A giant _uninflated_ float.

But not just any float, this float was shaped in the form of a white unicorn with rainbow mane and wings. It wasn't the kind of float that you'd find in someone's backyard pool either. This float was almost raft-like in that it could seat up to six people and even had a built in cooler and cup holders. It even came with paddles. It was a float obviously meant for huge bodies of water.

Santana had seen a post about the unicorn float on Instagram several months back. Some 20-somethings had posted a series of videos of their group of friends drinking and partying with it. Santana wasn't sure why she clicked on the Amazon link to the product page and saved it but she was glad she did later on when she decided to do something grand for Brittany's 25th birthday.

It set her back three hundred dollars but it was worth every penny because she knew the smile she would get from Brittany in return would be bright and beautiful and priceless. She was going to love this big ridiculous thing.

Brittany deserved a unicorn and Santana planned to give her one.

''Okay so the inflation time is supposed to take around three hours,'' Quinn said as she read and picked up the pump. ''All we have to do is plug this in and wait.''

Together the two of them picked up the float and pulled it out, laying it on the floor of the garage. It was actually larger than Quinn's vehicle they realized when they managed to unfold it properly. Luckily the garage was suitable for multiple cars and had plenty of room because once inflated it was going to be a monster. It took them about twenty minutes to get everything set up, they plugged one side of a hose into the unicorn and ran it to the pump which they had plugged into a wall socket.

Then it was only a waiting game.

''Did you really mean what you said earlier?'' Quinn asked as she started to clean up, tossing the random bits of left over packaging away in a nearby bin.

''About you having a white girl ass?''

''No I mean, about me and my career,'' Quinn clarified. She was trying to sound casual but she came off as anything but. ''You said out of all of us you somehow knew I would be the one to pull a stunt like bearding.''

Santana shut the trunk and shrugged. ''I mean...I guess.''

''Oh.''

''Look I'm not trying to turn this into a thing, Quinn, okay? I'm just calling it how I see it.''

''And how do you see it?''

Santana exhaled, aggravated. She really didn't want to say this and she hadn't planned to, but if Quinn was asking...well. ''After all these years you're still looking for validation from all the wrong places.''

Quinn made a huffy-puffy noise. ''It's funny, I don't see you judging anyone else's choices.''

''Yeah well, I don't see anyone else compromising themselves,'' Santana snapped right back and then went quiet when she realized just how harsh it came out. And that, that was the last thing she wanted. They were done with high school, or at least she was. ''Can we just forget I said anything? I didn't invite you out here to do this.''

''By this you mean mean bite each other's heads off?''

''Yeah, so let's not. We're better than that and I know it's the last thing Brittany would want to see or hear.''

Quinn nodded with reluctance. ''You're right, we are better than that.''

''So can we please just put _this_ ,'' Santana made a wavy motion between their bodies. ''Behind us or at the very least on pause for the time being and enjoy our weekend.''

''Deal. The conversation is officially on pause.'' Quinn exhaled and seemed to relax for the moment.

Santana tugged on Quinn's arm affectionately and began leading them back into the house. ''Now let's go. Let's get our hot tub on…''

X

Lounging about in the hot tub and shaded by nearby greenery Mercedes, Tina and Brittany were enjoying the relaxing water jets as well as a few margaritas they had just whipped up at the outdoor bar area a few feet away. They listened intently as Sugar recounted her latest romantic conquest, giving them the down and dirty details.

They were intrigued in a grotesque sort of way.

''...and so then I was like Zac I know you're in love with me but I can't marry you! I can't be tamed!'' Sugar shouted, pulling exaggerated faces and placing a hand to her heart. ''What we had was one magical night I told him, one magical night wherein he wore his old High School Musical basketball jacket as we made mad passionate love and wherein I may have called out Troy Bolton's name in the heat of the moment. But I couldn't lie to myself or him, it just wasn't meant to be between us. And that's how I almost became Sugar Efron.''

''Are you just making this up or….'' Tina trailed off in confusion.

''There's no way all of that happened! You're pulling our legs right?'' Mercedes asked Sugar.

''She's totally pulling our legs,'' Brittany said.

''You didn't actually have a fling with Zac Efron did you?'' asked Tina.

Sugar grinned a sly little grin. ''Mayhaps...mayhaps not. I guess you'll never know for sure, will you.''

Brittany slurped loudly through her straw. ''Either way I don't think I'll ever be able to watch Charlie St. Cloud the same way ever again after that story.''

''I don't understand your life Motta,'' Mercedes said to her friend.

''Honestly, neither do I half the time,'' Sugar said of her wonderfully random life as a social media influencer.

''So enough about Sugar's weird-gross sex life.'' Tina moved the conversation down another path and made a playful splash of water towards the birthday girl. ''Brittany. How does it feel turning twenty-five?''

''You know, not that different to be honest,'' Brittany answered with a happy and contented shrug. ''I used to be so scared of growing up but now it's like the older I get, the more sure I've become of myself. I've been in a really good place for the past few years. I love what I'm doing and where I am. I'm happy. My career is great. Santana and I are still going strong. Life is good.''

''I have to say it's pretty sweet how Santana rented this place out for you,'' Tina said and cast a glance at the house from the outside.

''Oh my god I know right,'' gushed Brittany. ''But she's always been that way, generous and romantic I mean, that's just who she is. Like no offense cause I'm sure Artie is cool and Sam is whatever,'' she paused to make a wave to Tina and then another to Mercedes. ''...but like I almost feel sorry for everyone else because they'll never know what it means to be loved by Santana. She's attentive and sensitive and thoughtful, not to mention loyal and protective. Also she gives super awesome orgasms.''

The others smiled at her as she looked off into the distance as if she were in a blissful little daydream.

''I seriously have like the best wife ever.'' Brittany blinked and then looked around. ''Where is Santana anyways?''

''And Quinn for that matter,'' Mercedes also wondered.

''Beats me,'' Tina said with disinterest. ''But I really don't care cause _I am feeling this margarita_.''

''You know what? I'm gonna go look for them,'' Brittany started to stand up only to be pulled down back into the warm water by Sugar.

Sugar's eyes went large and alert. Stall, she remembered Santana telling her. ''You can't!'' she screamed unnecessarily.

''Uhhh. Why?'' asked Brittany.

''Because.'' Sugar looked constipated. ''She's busy.''

''Busy huh?'' Brittany asked with a twinkle in her eye. ''This wouldn't have anything to do with another birthday surprise, would it? Ugh, I knew it! Santana's so sneaky! What is it, you have to tell me.''

''What? No! It's nothing like that,'' Sugar _pffted_ and searched for a reason to keep Brittany from searching for her wife. Logic and common sense flew out the window as she panicked. ''Santana's just uhhhhhhh hiding Quinn's body. Yeah that's it! She's busy hiding Quinn's dead body in the garage. While you guys were getting changed they got into an argument in the house and in a moment of passion things got a little bitchslappy between them as they tend to do and long story short it escalated and Q died and me and Santana were gonna _Weekend At Bernie's_ this bitch of a situation so it wouldn't ruin your beach house birthday bash.'' Sugar looked almost mournful as she continued. ''But now the secret's out.''

''What secret?'' asked Santana who arrived on the scene with a very living Quinn at her side.

Sugar scrambled up and out of the hot tub to stand on the other side of Quinn and moved to act as a sort of puppeteer, moving Quinn's limp limbs in a semi-covert manner a la _Weekend At Bernie's_. Sugar went as far as taking off her shades to place her glasses onto the bridge of Quinn's nose.

Quinn swatted Sugar away from her. ''What are you doing?''

''I'm _Weekend at Bernie'ing_ you!''

Santana glared at Sugar. That girl couldn't do anything normal. ''Motta, why don't you go fetch us all some more drinks,'' she ordered sharply. ''Get me and Quinn a couple of those margaritas.''

Sugar deflated and went off to do just that as Santana and Quinn stepped into the hot tub with the others. Santana of course floated towards Brittany and immediately cuddled up with her, settling herself in Brittany's lap. Brittany's arms immediately snaked around Santana affectionately.

''Where were you?'' Brittany asked and bit on her bottom lip, excited and intrigued at the prospect of another birthday treat. ''What were you doing?''

''You'll find out later,'' Santana answered cutely, gently hushing Brittany with a yummy kiss.

''Hey, keep it PG-13 in the hot tub will ya,'' Tina splashed them lightly.

Santana made a face and splashed back at Tina definitely like a toddler. ''My hot tub my rules, Chang.''

''So what did we miss?'' asked Quinn.

''Nothing much,'' said Mercedes. ''We were just sitting around and enjoying the jets.''

''Now that everyone's here though we should play a game,'' said Tina, who was still very much into her margarita. ''A drinking game.''

''Ooooo, how about Never Have I Ever,'' Brittany suggested.

''Wait how does that one go again?'' Mercedes looked between them.

''It goes like this,'' Santana took it upon herself to break down the game. ''We go in a circle and each person says something they've supposedly never done, if anyone within the circle has done it they have to drink. For instance, if I say _never have I ever_ had a crush on Rachel Berry I wouldn't drink because if I haven't. Quinn on the other hand would have to chug something down because it's a known fact that she's a pressed lemon in love with that teacup chihuahua.''

Quinn stared at Brittany. ''Why is your wife so obnoxious?''

''She just is,'' Brittany sighed dreamily, hugging Santana closer.

''Your _never have I evers_ can be as tame as you want but the game only really gets fun when you get to the juicy ones,'' Santana further explained to the group.

''I'm in,'' Tina said raising her glass.

''This sounds like a game that would normally be too much for me but I'm feeling adventurous this weekend so why not,'' Mercedes said with a slight air of caution. ''Though I reserve the right to opt out if you guys get too wild.''

''Why would this game get too wild?'' Tina asked.

Mercedes made a funny wave to Brittany and Santana. ''Because they're playing.''

''That's fair,'' Tina conceded.

''Uh excuse you Britt and I can be super wholesome when we want to be,'' Santana said in their defense as a couple.

''Mega wholesome,'' added Brittany.

''We walked in on you guys doing it over breakfast just a few hours ago,'' Quinn reminded them through laughter. ''You had Brittany bent over the counter.''

''We saw jam in places that jam should never be,'' chuckled Tina.

Mercedes joined in with their playful ribbing. ''I give you guys five questions before one of you goes off on a tangent involving one of your trademark Brittany-Santana sexcapades.''

''I say it's more like three questions before that happens,'' said Quinn.

''Whatever,'' Santana snuggled back into Brittany. ''You all are just pressed cause you're not gonna be having any sweet ass beach house sex this weekend and Britt and I are.''

''You know I personally don't mind Santana and Brittany's sex stories,'' Sugar admitted as she put the finishing touches up on Santana and Quinn's drinks and plopped two tiny umbrellas into their glasses.

''Yeah but that's because you're a freak,'' Tina teased.

''True,'' Sugar couldn't be offended by that.

Soon Sugar was stepping back into the hot tub, handing off drinks to Quinn and Santana so that everyone was now nursing a beverage. They turned the jets up to full blast in the hot tub and then the game began.

''I'll start us off gently,'' Quinn said, wanting to ease them into it and not spook anyone off the bat. ''Never have I ever dyed my hair.''

The looked around at each other. It was a soft ball never have I ever, nothing scandalous or titillating and soon Santana, Tina and Quinn were taking sips confirming that they had at one point in time dyed their hair.

''I know you were going through something at the time but your pink skank hair was pretty on point,'' Tina said, raising her glass to Quinn.

Quinn smiled and tipped her cup right back at her friend. ''It's too bad your style had changed by that time because we could've been moody and emo together.''

''All those missed trips to Hot Topic, such a shame. Okay me next,'' Tina said, wanting to take it a step further. ''Never have I ever broken the law.''

Again they all looked around amongst themselves. Quinn, Mercedes, Sugar and Brittany made no move to drink. Santana and Tina however both took quick sips.

''I know why I'm drinking, Chang. Why are you drinking?'' Santana asked.

''I have secrets I have you all know,'' Tina said, enjoying the idea she had shocked them all by taking a swig and thus confirming she had once done something truly naughty. ''I once got a parking ticket, technically that's breaking the law.''

'' _Oh my god that's so badass, you're turning me on over here!''_ Santana mocked sarcastically. ''Lame!''

''Oh yeah, what have you done?'' Quinn countered.

''A number of things,'' Santana answered casually. ''Are we talking offenses I committed as a bright eyed and bushy tailed delinquent or do you want to hear about how at this years VMAs I bitchslapped Iggy Azalea for sitting in my seat?''

Sugar's shoulders bounced with laughter. ''I saw the footage of that. I have a GIF of it saved on my phone.''

''Alright, how about I go next?'' Mercedes offered. And because she was Mercedes she tossed yet another easy one out there. ''Never have I ever Googled myself just to see what came up.''

Mercedes, Sugar and Tina refrained as did Santana, Quinn on the other hand took a drink, confirming that she had indeed scrolled her Google search results in search of gossip and/or validation. The rest of them shifted in place a bit as they watched. Quinn didn't appear to be very proud of it.

Brittany meanwhile went to raise her hand. ''Okay wait, I never Google myself but I do have a Google Alert set up for Santana's name so I can read everything she's mentioned in. Does that count?''

Santana turned and playfully nipped at Brittany. ''You're so obsessed with me, I love it.''

''No, that doesn't count,'' Mercedes decided.

''Aw man,'' Brittany whined. ''Your turn Sugar, and make it good because I want to drink.''

''Hmmmm.'' Sugar hummed and stroked her chin like an evil genius. ''I think I'm going to crank it up a notch so prepare yourselves ladies, I'ma make this game interesting. _Never have I ever_ …peed in a hot tub.''

They all looked at each other suspiciously though no one lifted their cup to drink. No one that is _but Sugar herself_ who merrily took a gulp of her bright red margarita. Repulsed by her silent admission they all groaned and gagged.

''I swear to god Sugar if you just peed in this hot tub I'm kicking your ass!'' Santana threatened.

''Oh my gross I'm getting out of here,'' Tina screamed and started to pull herself out of the water.

''Ugh me too!'' Mercedes said.

''I'm joking!'' Sugar shouted through laughter. She looked like she was taking a twisted delight in freaking them out. ''That was a joke, gawd. I didn't pee in the hot tub. _Calmate yo!_ ''

They did indeed calm down and reclaim their seats when it became apparent by Sugar's childlike snickering that she was just screwing with them.

''Alright, for real though here I go,'' Sugar started again once everyone was quiet. ''Never have I ever...role played in the bedroom.''

''Yesssss!'' Brittany shouted, excited to finally have reason to down her beverage.

Sugar happily drank, dancing in her seat. Quinn made a wave with her hand as if she was above such things. Tina and Mercedes laughed but shook their heads, because roleplay was not something either of them had dabbled in. That left Brittany and Santana who clinked their glasses together before taking a celebratory gulp.

''What?'' Brittany looked at the others who had questioning eyes. ''Santana and I like to roleplay Betty and Veronica from _Riverdale_. It's a pretty elaborate scene when we do too. It starts with us sharing a milkshake at Pop's but then Santana _as Veronica_ accidentally spills it all over her blouse so that has to come off and then I _as Betty_ help clean her up by licking-''

''Please stop talking.'' Quinn closed her eyes and threw a hand up in Brittany's direction.

Mercedes was amused more than anything. ''That story is equal parts adorable and disturbing.''

''Nah that's totally yucky,'' Sugar scrunched her face up. ''I mean obviously Cheryl and Toni are superior in every way. You guys should roleplay them instead. Beronica is so basic you guys.''

Brittany gasped as if a lightbulb had just went off above her head. ''Oh my god, babe,'' she said to Santana. ''You _would_ look totally hot with nothing but a Southside Serpents jacket on.''

''Yeah?'' Santana asked, intrigued.

''Oh yeah,'' Brittany groaned and wiggled her brows.

''Then we might just have to make that happen.''

Brittany was rewarded with a kiss that was only cut short when the girls splashed water at them.

''Break it up over there, it's your turn Brittany,'' Mercedes said warmly.

''My turn?'' Brittany looked stumped for a moment before decided to continue down Sugar's naughty path with another wicked question. ''Let's seeeee, never have I ever gone streaking.''

Everyone placed their cups down. Brittany was the only one who brought hers up to her lips.

''Oh yeah, I remember that,'' Santana said quietly.

''Let me guess, another sex story?'' Tina droned.

Santana made a face and leaned back into Brittany. ''No. It was nothing like that. It happened way back when me, Britt and Quinn met at cheer camp.''

Quinn smiled and seemed to lighten up with the memory. ''Oh my god I forgot about that.''

''So the squad would always have a campfire each night,'' Brittany said, explaining for the benefit of the others. ''We played a lot of games but I was the queen of Truth or Dare, nothing ever stumped or tripped me up. So one night Santana had gone off to bed and Quinn was off praying or something and I end up hanging with a bunch of girls around the fire. We're all sitting around, having fun playing Truth or Dare when some snot named Brenda dared me to go streaking around the tents.''

''Brenda and her clique had it out for Santana, Brittany and myself because we were Sue's favorites,'' added Quinn.

''So not one to shy away from a challenge I stood up and stripped,'' said Brittany. ''She dared me to run around the campsite and I did, only when I came back she and her friends had taken all my clothes and tossed them up into the trees.''

Mercedes, Tina and Sugar winced at the story, their faces were a mixture of amusement and embarrassment on behalf of their friend.

''So I had to double back,'' Brittany shook her head and laughed lightly as she recalled. ''Luckily I found Santana in her tent and just jumped in buck naked.''

''Oh I'm sure you didn't mind that, did you Santana?'' Tina teased.

''But she was the perfect gentlewoman,'' Brittany insisted sweetly. ''She gave me a set of her clothes and let me sleep with her in her sleeping bag. She let me cuddle with her while I told her what happened. She held me all night while I cried from embarrassment.''

'' _Awww Santana you're such a teddy bear,''_ Sugar gushed at the married couple.

''Shut your mouth, I am not.'' Santana squinted at Sugar who just flicked her hand in response, unbothered by Santana's tone.

''So what happened after that?'' Mercedes asked.

''After that,'' Quinn said, taking on the role of storyteller as her memories suddenly flooded back, rushing back to her with fondness. Her face turned softer as she went on. ''Santana and I went on a panty raid in that bitch Brenda and her friends tents. They had to finish out the rest of their cheer camp stay going commando. And that, that's when it happened, that's when we became the Unholy Trinity.''

''God that feels like forever ago,'' Brittany said.

''Weirdly enough it was a bonding experience for the three of us,'' Quinn elaborated. ''Silly as it sounds it cemented us as a unit. Brittany, Santana and myself. We came together to defend Brittany but in turn it opened the door to a friendship between all of us. A sometimes complicated friendship but a friendship all the same.''

Santana nodded along. ''It was a shitty way for us to come together but I'm glad for it in a way. I'm glad Brittany leapt into my tent that night and I'm glad Q was just as petty as me to want some kind of revenge. If Brittany _hadn't_ gone streaking that night, who even knows if we would've gotten together or made friends with Q or any of that.''

''We should do it!'' Sugar hollered.

''Do what?'' asked Tina.

''Go streaking! The six of us,'' said Sugar. ''We should do it to commemorate this weekend together.''

Everyone laughed under the assumption that Sugar was joking around with them yet again but she was completely calm and straight faced.

''What? I'm serious!'' Sugar tutted. ''This is a private beach right? Why not?''

''Yeah that ain't gonna happen,'' said Mercedes.

''Don't tell me you're ashamed of your body,'' said Sugar.

''No I love my body,'' Mercedes continued playfully. ''I just don't want to see y'alls bodies.''

''I'm with Mercedes on this one,'' Santana said. ''I am all game for bonding with you bitches but uh, ain't nobody allowed to see my goodies except my wife.''

''Yeah, yeah, yeah,'' Sugar said with a charming but dismissive chuckle. ''But this isn't about seeing each other's goodies. I can't care about y'alls either. It's not like a sexual thing or whatever, it's about letting ourselves be free and experiencing that together as _a unit_ , all of us. Glee girls!''

Again they all laughed and groaned at Sugar, who discarded her idea as the others splashed water at her from every direction.

''Yo _Despacito_ , why don't you go make us some more margaritas!'' Santana suggested with a friendly and almost warm bump of her shoulder.

They spent a good chunk of time after that sipping down more drinks as the hot tub and its jets relaxed their muscles and their minds, making them free of worry or real life obligations in the world. Later on they all got out and air dried under the afternoon sun, wrapping themselves up in their poolside robes as Tina and Sugar rolled out the groups afternoon snack. They had dipped inside briefly to put together a little something that they knew Brittany would very much enjoy.

''I still think this stuff tastes how a diaper smells,'' Mercedes managed to say between chews of fondue.

''Brittany, babe, I'm not eating this,'' Santana said apologetically. ''If I eat this I might barf. Probably on Tina cause her bathing suit is the ugliest.''

Tina cracked up with a piece of broccoli in her mouth and slapped Santana's shoulder with affection as well as just a little bit of force. ''You're the worst. Brittany, you married the worst.''

By the time they were dry and had their fill of fondue in Brittany's honor it was late afternoon. Santana estimated they still had at least a few hours of sun before it would begin to get dark so she suggested they make the most of their time by heading down to the beach to get some sand between their toes. It was just a short stroll down a boardwalk Santana instructed them towards. She shoo'd them all down the path except for Quinn and Mercedes. She pulled them aside and asked them both for a hand back at the house.

''What are you up to?'' Brittany asked.

''Nothing,'' Santana answered with a shrug and a smile. ''What makes you think I'm up to something?''

''Because you have that sneaky look on your face. I know all of your faces.''

''How many faces do I have?''

''I don't know, a bunch.'' Brittany held up her hand and began to count off her fingers. ''There's your 'I'ma 'bout to go all Lima Heights' face, there's your 'I'm horny, gimme orgasms'' face, there's your 'I need to be cuddled but I don't want to ask for cuddles because I think it makes me needy so I need you to instigate cuddles' face, there's your 'are you going to finish the last breadstick from Breadstix' face, I could go on for days. You have a ton of them but this one…'' Brittany pointed a finger at Santana's smug smile. ''This one is your 'I'm a sneaky-sneak' face.''

'' _Uhhh okay calm down stalker,''_ Santana teased. ''But I'm not up to anything, for reals.''

Brittany hummed and let the matter rest, simply letting Santana go off though not without giving her a flirtatious swat to her rear. Once Santana, Quinn and Mercedes saw that their friends were a good distance away they started back towards the beach house. They made their way in through the side door and into the kitchen. With a sly nod from Santana Quinn disappeared into the connecting garage while Mercedes stood clueless alongside Santana.

''So what is it that you need my help with?'' asked Mercedes. ''And where did Quinn go off to?''

''Quinn went to help me out with one of Britt's birthday presents, I needed you for cake duty.''

Santana opened up the fancy fridge and pulled a large tray out of a hidden compartment. It was a small but beautiful birthday cake decorated with tiny frosting rainbows all over it. It was ridiculous and whimsical, just like Brittany.

''Awwww, this is the sweetest and gayest thing I've ever seen,'' Mercedes laughed.

''You think she'll like it?''

''She'll love it.''

Santana grinned and went about fixing up a picnic basket with a few items, loading it up with tiny plates and forks, napkins, bottles of water and a single chilled champagne bottle. They made their way out with Mercedes holding the cake and Santana carrying their basket of supplies. They walked slowly, careful of the cake in Mercedes hands, not wanting to drop it or let it slide off the tray.

''You know, you really out did yourself with this weekend,'' Mercedes said casually.

''Hm?''

''With Brittany's birthday bash. I know you did it all - renting the pimped out beach house, inviting all of the girls out to join you - to celebrate her but I just wanted to thank you for letting all of us be a part of it.''

''Yeah well...anything to make Brittany happy, right?''

''Mmmhmm,'' Mercedes made a sassy little sound with her mouth. ''But you have to admit there's a teeny-tiny-little part of you that maybe missed and wanted to see us too?''

''Pah!'' Santana scoffed loudly. ''Yeah no. I mean you're my homegirl and all and Q and I have tons of history and Tina's cool once she's got a few drinks in her and Sugar is...I don't know what the hell she is, but I left glee club behind in Lima a long, long time ago. My life's too awesome to have any room in it for nostalgia, Mercedes. It's not what I'm about.''

''Uh huh.'' Mercedes humored her and smiled on. ''Are you sure about that? Cause from where I was standing it looked like you were getting into our little karaoke session earlier, especially when we did the girl group number. I saw you, you were smiling, you were loving it. You've missed us, haven't you?''

They made it to the end of the boardwalk and stopped at the top of a very short staircase that led down to the sand. A short distance away they saw Brittany, Tina and Sugar sitting in the sand and facing away and out towards the water. They looked like they were all in silent contemplation as water ran up towards their feet, only to recede, come back and go out over and over again.

Santana and Mercedes paused there and watched their friends for a few quiet moments before resuming their conversation.

''You can't tell anyone,'' Santana warned playfully.

''I can't tell anyone what?''

Santana dipped her head almost bashfully. ''That maybe yes there was a part of me that did miss you and the rest of the girls. You can't tell - you can't tell anyone I have a heart.''

Mercedes gave her a warm, soft look. ''I think that secret's been out for a long time, Santana.''

They bumped their shoulders together fondly, lovingly. Just then Quinn jogged up behind them.

''You get it?'' Santana asked.

''I got it. I hid it in the brush over there.'' Quinn pointed a thumb to some tall shrubbery nearby.

''Hid what in the brush over there?'' questioned Mercedes.

Santana smiled wickedly. ''You're about to find out.''

Santana started them down the short set of stairs. Once their feet hit the sand they again paused and quietly went about grabbing a lighter from the picnic basket and lighting up Brittany's birthday candles. Once lit they started walking forward as they burst into a loud and jubilant rendition of _Happy Birthday_. Within seconds Sugar, Tina and Brittany were turning and standing up to join them.

Brittany was practically bouncing in place as they all came to stand around in a tight circle, serenading her. She was fanning her face with her hands, looking very much like she wanted to burst into tears.

''Baby,'' she said to Santana, drawing out the word with affection. ''What is this?! Why?! Oh my god.''

Santana gave her a kiss on the cheek. ''Blow out the candles and make a wish.''

The girls clapped and cheered, encouraging her on until Brittany had no choice but to smile and lean forward, blowing out the candles with one big puff of air.

''You guys are the best,'' Brittany said looking around at the others before pulling Santana into her side. ''And you are the sweetest. Thank you.''

''Let's dig in,'' Tina shouted.

''I call that rainbow on the side!'' Sugar called dibs.

''Nuh-nuh-nuh,'' Santana shushed them, stopping them all from having a go at the cake. ''We can't cut into the cake just yet. There's still one last not so little surprise I have.''

''What?'' Brittany asked, eyes widening.

''Well,'' Santana started as she gave a nod to Quinn who took her signal and disappeared into some nearby brush. ''Brittany every day you make my life feel magical which makes sense because to me you're the most magical thing in this world. And so I wanted to give you a little piece of magic, from me to you, on your 25th birthday.''

No one couldn't quite see what was going on but they heard Quinn rustling about within the brush for a few seconds before she appeared again. This time however she wasn't alone because with her was the giant white _fully inflated_ unicorn float. It was a huge and towering thing that took everyone's breath away. Everyone's eyes lit up at the sight of the silliest, most absurd, most amazing thing they had ever seen.

Brittany squealed and ran towards it, her eyes glazing over in wonder. ''You!'' she shouted at Santana. ''You bought me a unicorn!''

''Well, a unicorn float anyways. Is it too much?''

''No way! Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygod, I'm in love with it!'' Brittany turned back around and ran into Santana's arms and covered her face in loud, messy playful kisses. ''This is the best birthday present ever! See I told you, you were totally wearing your 'sneaky-sneak' face!''

Santana accepted the sloppy kisses happily. ''I had to though, I wanted it to be a surprise.''

''I could seriously eat you up right now.''

''Maybe later,'' Santana quipped with a dirty chuckle.

''This float is the most Brittany thing I've ever seen in my entire life,'' Tina said equally as tickled.

''Right?'' Sugar laughed and swatted at Santana's shoulder. ''This is pretty bomb.''

''This is too cute,'' Mercedes added.

''Can we take it out?'' Brittany bounced like an overly excited toddler.

''It's yours, of course we can take it out.'' Santana marched forward and set the picnic basket inside of the large six person float and with Quinn taking up the rear they began to guide it towards the water.

She didn't have to twist anyone's arm either, they were all giddy to step aboard the float and ride the unicorn. It was pretty darn adorable. Who wouldn't want to take a ride in a unicorn? Even Quinn looked pretty pleased at how it turned out. Brittany was the first to get in while the others slowly eased it in a few feet before climbing up.

''Oh my god, it's huge,'' Brittany said as she relaxed into the seating. Even with the six of them they still had plenty of room to stretch out.

''Sugar, Tina, you're on paddle duty,'' Santana instructed, handing the two women the included paddles. ''Can you handle it?''

''Aye aye captain.'' Sugar did a cute little salute.

Quinn and Mercedes started the task of opening up the picnic basket and pulling out cups and plates, getting everyone's food and drinks served and situated while Tina and Sugar began to paddle their float. The plan was simple, they all wanted to get out a little further into the water and enjoy the scenery while they enjoyed some birthday cake.

It was supposed to be a nice little relaxing ride on Brittany's birthday unicorn.

Little did they know...


	3. Chapter 3

''It's beautiful out here,'' Brittany said softly as she took in their surroundings, the water, the sky, the birds flying overhead.

Santana smiled wide and placed a kiss on her wife's cheek. '' _You're_ beautiful out here.''

Under the late afternoon sun Sugar and Tina had paddled the group out for a good half hour and then since the waters were relatively calm took a break. They discarded their small oars and allowed the float to drift while everyone got down to the business of digging into the birthday cake. Soon everyone had a plate and were either nursing a bottle of water or a paper cup of champagne as they made conversation.

''Yeah,'' added Mercedes who pulled her shades off of her face and up into her hair now that the natural light was slowly dimming on them. ''This is pretty darn tranquil.''

Brittany nodded in agreement, her mouth messy with rainbow frosting. ''I totally want to live in this float from now on.''

''Who's going for seconds? I'm going for seconds,'' Tina mumbled as she inhaled her piece of cake.

''You're loving this aren't you?'' Santana asked, nudging Quinn from across the float.

Quinn bounced her shoulders as if debating her response but all she could do was grin back. ''It feels nice to be out on the water.''

''See this is what you needed,'' said Mercedes. ''This is what we _all_ needed.''

''A ride inside a giant unicorn?'' asked Sugar as she settled back in the rear, near the unicorn's ass.

''An escape,'' Mercedes continued wisely. ''I don't know about you girls but it's like the more success I find, the less real the things and people around me begin to feel. I do have a great team but at the end of the day I'm cutting them a check to perform a job. It's hard to make real connections and when I do there's always a tiny voice in the back of my head wondering if they want to be my friend because they're legit or because of who I am.''

''I hear that,'' Santana seconded Mercedes sentiments.

Mercedes beamed at them, overcome with fondness and friendship. ''It just feels nice to kick it with people who _I know_ don't give a poop about the fame or the spotlight because 1) you all have your own and 2) we knew each other before any of that noise.''

''You have to admit though,'' Tina said driving her spork into another piece of cake. ''As exhausting as dealing with all of that noise is, it also comes with some super sweet perks.''

Santana nodded at Tina. ''I do love me my perks but I get what Mercedes is saying. No amount of money or material thing is a substitute for real friendship.''

''If there's anything My Little Pony has taught me it's that _friendship_ _is_ _magic_ ,'' Sugar said, sagely squinting her eyes.

''We should do this every year,'' Brittany suggested. ''Have a glee girls reunion I mean.''

They all smiled and nodded in silence but there wasn't a ton of conviction on their faces or in their movements, not even Brittany's and she was the one who had said it.

It was a nice idea, a wonderful idea really, to think that they could make this a sort of tradition. An annual get together to reconnect and reaffirm and remember themselves and the friendships they had made together. But in reality it simply wasn't something any one of them could promise of themselves considering their lives and careers. They weren't kids anymore. Each of them had schedules and obligations, teams and launches, projects and contracts to abide by.

They all had very fulfilling lives, fulfilling lives meant busy lives.

''Does anyone miss it?'' Tina asked.

''What?'' asked Mercedes.

''Being back in the choir room,'' Tina said. ''Does anyone miss how simple it all used to be?''

''I miss parts of it I suppose,'' Quinn admitted softly.

Brittany wrinkled her nose up. ''I guess I miss dancing just for fun.''

''I miss being a part of a team,'' Sugar said.

''You know,'' Quinn started on wistfully. ''Despite all of the mistakes and missteps those really were the best days of our lives.''

Santana chuckled but shook her head at all of that. ''I don't miss that place at all. I don't miss Mckinley and I sure as hell don't miss Lima.''

''Oh come on,'' Mercedes prodded and tossed a pointed look at Santana. She wasn't buying that.

''What? I don't,'' Santana insisted and tossed her empty plate to the side and began dusting her lap of non-existent crumbs. ''I'm sorry but does anyone really think those were the best days of our lives as Q put it?''

''It's where we began,'' Mercedes lamented. ''The choir room.''

''Yeah,'' said Santana, ''and it's also where we had to sit and listen to Mr. Schue's tired ass lesson plans and where we were all constantly sidelined and played second-third-sometimes fourth fiddle to Berry. Let's be real, none of us really miss that room. Not really. We miss the memories and the people, but Lima? Nah. We were all too big for that place.''

Tina raised her cup to that. ''I hear that.''

''That's the thing about nostalgia isn't it? It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy and tricks you into forgetting about all the crap we had to survive,'' Santana looked at each of them in turn. ''The teen pregnancies and the hiding and being underestimated at every turn. We can all look back on it now with distance and time, but would any of you guys really want to go back to that?''

''I guess not,'' Mercedes sighed and saw the sense in what Santana was saying.

''I know I sure as hell wouldn't.'' Santana turned and took Brittany's free hand inside of her own. She ran a finger over the wedding band on Brittany's slim finger. ''That place didn't make us who we are.''

''But at least we can say we survived it,'' Brittany commented, giving Santana's palm a healthy squeeze and tried to put a positive spin on the matter. ''Together. Right?''

''Exactly,'' Santana said. ''All of us. And if we could survive Lima and Mckinley then all the movie shoots and the concert tours and the screaming fans and the intrusiveness we deal with now, it's all a walk in the park.''

The group went quiet in contemplation, soaking up the last moments of dusk as they digested Santana's words and examined their own feelings of nostalgia.

After all she was right, it was easier to remember the past as being filled with nothing but 'good old days' but the longer the lull in conversation lasted the more it was clear, there were plenty of bad days they had purposely pushed to the back of their minds. Plenty of tears, plenty of embarrassment, plenty of heartache. When compared to their current lives, with fulfilling careers and financial stability and creative outlets, there was no comparison.

Only a fool would want to go back in time to be seventeen again.

''At least we have this weekend,'' Sugar said brightly, breaking the quiet.

''Yeah, what say we head back to the beach house,'' Tina suggested and squirmed in her seat. ''This thrilling little ride on Brittany's unicorn has been lovely but all this booze is going through me and I need to go to the restroom.''

''Too much information, Chang,'' Santana laughed and made a wave with her hand, signalling that she was fine to go back. ''But you're right we should go back, the sun will be down in a few minutes and I can already tell it's getting chilly out there. You and Motta get to it.''

''Get to what?'' asked Sugar.

''Rowing us back,'' said Brittany who shivered as a small gust of wind blew against them.

Quinn squinted as she surveyed the inside of the float, the discarded plates, napkins and drinks as well as bits of birthday cake that had fallen to the floor. She zeroed in on the fact that she could only find one oar at their feet.

''Where's the other oar?'' Quinn questioned.

Tina held up her hands at her side. ''That one's mine. I placed mine on the floor, I don't know what Sugar did with hers.''

''Sugar,'' Mercedes started to sound worried. ''Where's the other oar?''

''Yeah come on, are you sitting on it or what?'' Santana asked. ''Stop goofing off and get us to shore.''

''I'm not sitting on it, I don't have it,'' Sugar said and shifted uncomfortably under the stares of her friends.

''What do you mean you don't have it?'' asked Mercedes.

''I mean I don't have it,'' Sugar squeaked in her defense. ''Santana told me to stop rowing us out so we could eat cake, so I let it go.''

''By let it go you mean-what?'' asked Tina.

''I dropped it into the water.'' Sugar shrugged as it she thought the answer was obvious.

Santana blinked unevenly, one of her eyelids closed just a millisecond before the other. ''You...dropped it...into the water?'' she asked, speaking in slow stilted turns.

''I mean we were done with them weren't we?'' asked Sugar.

''It didn't occur to you that we might need both oars to _oh I dunno_ ROW US BACK!'' Santana went off like a fuse.

Sugar took a minute to compute this and it almost looked like her brain was malfunctioning. ''I'ma be real with you guys it didn't. I was distracted by Brittany's super gay rainbow birthday cake okay.''

There was some collective muttering amongst the others that was quickly drowned out by an almost feral like growl from Santana. ''You little-'' Santana started and attempted to launch herself onto the other side of the float to get at Sugar. Mercedes and Brittany both reached out, grabbing a shoulder from each side and settled Santana back down.

''You're telling us we don't have a way back to shore?'' Quinn asked wanting one more clarification from Sugar.

''Well we have one oar,'' Sugar reasoned, holding up the single flimsy oar and forcing a smile.

''We can't do anything with one oar,'' Tina said. ''This float is way too big to propel with one. We've also been drifting further out this entire time. What are we going to do? It's dark now.'' Tina made huge elaborate gestures with her arms all around them, indicating the darkness that had fallen in a matter of a few short moments.

''Okay let's be calm about this,'' said Mercedes as she spoke evenly, careful not to sound panicked. ''Does anyone have their phone with them?''

They all looked amongst themselves, hopeful, but in the end they all found themselves shaking their heads in the negative.

''I left mine by the hot tub,'' Tina said closing her eyes, as if internally kicking herself.

''Me too,'' said Brittany. ''I left mine to dry after spilling some fondue on it.''

Quinn meanwhile stared down at the bottom of the float, mentally tracing her steps. ''I left mine up in a guestroom.''

''Fuck,'' Santana sighed. ''I don't think I've even touched mine all day. I left it on the nightstand in the master bedroom.''

''But wait no,'' Tina said, hushing the others. ''Sugar I rode with you in the backseat on the way to the beach house, you had like six different cell phones with you didn't you? I remember you showing me your weird RPF stories starring Brittany and Santana.''

''Her what starring who now?'' Brittany asked, confused by that bit of odd information.

''As a matter of fact, Tina,'' Sugar laughed bitterly. ''I did have several phones on me and I would've had them all here right now but _somebody_ took them away from me because she didn't want me posting about our weekend on social media.'' Sugar pointed a harsh and judgy finger in Santana's direction.

''Good job Santana,'' sniped Quinn.

Brittany rolled her eyes and reached over to push Sugar's accusatory finger down away from her wife. ''Okay stop,'' Brittany said. ''How was Santana supposed to know we would get stuck out here like this?''

''Everyone hush,'' Mercedes instructed. ''It's not like we're lost to civilization or anything. There's got to be a way for us to get back to land, we just have to think.''

''I can't think! I still have to pee you guys,'' Tina whimpered.

''Pee on Sugar,'' Santana wise-cracked.

''Whatever you do please don't pee in my unicorn,'' Brittany begged.

The group went silent as they brainstormed. The unicorn continued to move them along further out into the water which was becoming more and more choppy as time went on.

It was dark now, not to mention colder and a half hour later hadn't gotten them any closer to a solution.

Tina had tried to use their single oar to steer them back but it was useless and in the end it only worked to move them into a huge mass of seaweed and various debris from the water. It was thick and green, looking like a sort of sludge-like material. They were soon surrounded on every side of the float by the dense matter that, while disgusting, at the very least kept them from drifting out even further from land.

It was growing increasingly more uncomfortable inside the float as well. They were all sporting their bathing suits. Tina, Brittany, Quinn, Sugar and Mercedes were thankful they had opted to bring their poolside robes onboard, flimsy and thin as they were at least they were something. Santana, however, hadn't sported one for the day and thus was without an extra layer to protect her from the chill.

''I'm literally freezing my tits off,'' Santana said, shaking from the cold and from frustration.

''I told you to put a robe on,'' Quinn mumbled.

''Aww, baby, come here,'' Brittany said, pulling her own robe off and turning it around and placing it over both her and Santana who she tucked into her side.

''Okay I have an idea, what if one of us got out and swam to shore to get help?'' Quinn suggested.

''I could do it,'' Sugar offered, raising her hand.

Tina used their single oar to prod and poke into the seaweed surrounding them on all sides and felt the resistance. ''I don't think that's safe. I mean look at how thick this stuff is. What if one of us tried to swim for help but got their arm or leg caught up in the weeds? That person would be in serious trouble if they got tangled up, they wouldn't be able to swim.''

''I agree,'' Mercedes said. ''We don't want to risk anyone getting hurt. I think everyone should stay inside the float. Nevermind the seaweed we don't know what else is out there.''

Sugar gasped. ''What, you mean like the Loch Ness monster? Oh my god I didn't even think about that!''

''First of all the Loch Ness Monster isn't real,'' Santana scoffed. ''And second of all even if it was, that thing is in Scotland. Hence Loch Ness.''

''Uhhh I don't know what you're talking about. The Loch Ness monster is totally real,'' Sugar hollered her convictions. ''I saw it on the History Channel. The Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny, The Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot and El Chupacabra are all real things. So are mermaids and mermen for that matter. The government just doesn't want you to know!''

''Can I have permission to throw Sugar into the water?'' Quinn sighed as she pinched the bridge of her nose.

''No one is throwing Sugar in the water,'' Brittany spoke up for her friend.

''That's right we can't,'' Santana added snidely, staring at Sugar as if to spook her. ''We need her for when we eventually have to turn on each other and resort to cannibalism in order to survive.''

''Fine eat me, I'd be delicious,'' Sugar said nonchalantly, totally unbothered by Santana's threat. ''And my Sugar Cookies would mourn and celebrate me like the icon I am!''

Brittany held up her hand as if she were in a classroom. ''For the record though I would like to state that I personally can confirm the existence of Bigfoot as Lord Tubbington is part Sasquatch on his mother's side. They do exist.''

''Nessy and Bigfoot aren't real!'' Quinn barked at Sugar and Brittany. ''And neither are any of those other things and even if they were I highly doubt they'd exist in this specific body of water. We're not going to be attacked by the Loch Ness monster!''

Everyone shrinked back, taken off guard by Quinn's snapping. Even Santana sat back a little stunned at Quinn's sudden angry turn.

''Look,'' Santana said after several minutes of silence with a new calm. ''The gross gunky seaweed stuff is keeping us in place so I think we're just gonna have to wait this out. By tomorrow morning plenty of other people will be out on their boats or jet skis or whatever and we can wave someone down for help. We just need to stay put for the time being alright?''

The group nodded and mumbled in agreement, it's not like they had any other choice at this point. Even if it were safe to try to swim for it they wouldn't be able to see which direction the shore was. There was a quiet sort of sad acceptance of their reality.

Staying put on their giant gay unicorn was their only hope of survival for the night.

''I still have to pee,'' Tina broke the silence.

''Can't you hold it?'' Brittany asked.

Tina made a loud airy sound with her mouth. ''Do you have any idea how much I've drank today? I'm not joking you guys if I don't pee in the next few minutes I'm going to explode.''

Mercedes looked concerned as she looked around the float for a solution. ''Maybe you can use an empty cup or something?''

''What? No, please,'' Brittany pouted. ''Not in my birthday unicorn. Santaaaanaaaaa, Tina wants to violate my unicorn with her wiz.''

''This is so gross.'' Santana twisted her face up in repulsion. ''I'm sorry Tina, but it's Brittany's unicorn so it's Brittany's rules. No peeing in the unicorn.''

''What am I supposed to do then?'' Tina shouted.

''Well…'' Sugar began and tossed a glance behind herself at the water. ''You could also get in the water to do what you gotta do.''

Tina looked at each of her friends in turn. They weren't really suggesting she hop in and pee by the side of the unicorn were they?

''Y'all are serious?'' Tina asked.

''I once read that it's completely safe to go number one in the water,'' Sugar explained. ''But never number two, you could do serious damage to the underwater ecosystem.''

''No, no, no,'' Tina laughed nervously.

''What other choice do you have Chang?'' Santana asked.

Tina stood up and with reluctance shed her poolside robe. She looked like she wanted to cry as she wiggled her way over the edge of the float and lowered her body in the water. It was relatively safe, she wasn't making a swim for it so there was no risk of getting tangled in seaweed, she was just simply bobbing by the side of the float while holding onto it.

Up in the unicorn Quinn, Mercedes, Sugar, Santana and Brittany stared at her.

''I need all of you to turn around,'' Tina ordered because if she had to do this she needed at least some sense of privacy.

The group did so and Tina tried to focus on the back of their heads as she attempted to do her business but she was still a little uneasy.

''Can someone do something?'' she asked.

''Like what?'' asked Mercedes.

''I don't know. Something,'' said Tina. ''I'm a little nervous here. Talk. Sing a song. Distract me.''

There was a short and quiet conversation the group on the float had amongst themselves before they all collectively started a slow but comforting female acapella version of _Despacito_. Unlike Sugar's lame slightly drunken rendition earlier in the day this one was a lot more on point,it almost quite beautiful considering everyone's more than adequate vocals.

Tina listened intently as she began to pee in the water. ''Y'all sound really good. Mercedes you always kill it.''

The girls finished the song out as Tina finished up and carefully climbed back in and wrapped herself back up in her robe.

''Alright, you all can turn around now,'' Tina said, relaxing now that she had relieved herself. ''What happened just right now must never be spoken of again, I need you all to promise me.''

''What happens in the unicorn float stays in the unicorn float,'' Brittany vowed.

The girls turned back around and sat in a tight circle, leaning into each other for warmth and comfort.

''So this is really what we're doing,'' Quinn questioned. ''Just waiting it out until morning to be rescued?''

Santana exhaled. ''Well what would you like us to do Quinn?''

Quinn however wasn't interested in solutions so much as she was complaining. ''Some relaxing weekend you planned for us, Santana,'' she snarked.

''It was an accident,'' Brittany reminded her. ''And it's not her fault. She did it for my birthday.''

''You know what, Quinn, next time I won't bother inviting you,'' Santana fumed. ''Just when I thought for a second you might be enjoying yourself and I don't know, loosening up, you have to throw a fit just like you always do.''

''Whoaaa,'' said Mercedes

''Screw you Santana,'' Quinn sighed haughtily.

''Can everyone please chill while we're in here?'' Sugar pleaded.

''I am chill,'' Santana said. ''Quinn's the one being a pissbaby!''

''I am not a pissbaby!'' Quinn argued. ''You're the pissbaby!''

''What's a pissbaby?'' asked Tina.

''Can everyone please stop saying pissbaby?!'' Mercedes closed her eyes briefly and her features hardened and tightened for a split second before she interjected. ''I don't understand why we can't just have a nice weekend or a nice anything without the two of you,'' she paused dramatically to point to Quinn and Santana. ''Going at each other. This isn't high school.''

''You're right, it isn't,'' Santana argued. ''If it were Quinn's cheek would be marred with the imprint of my palm.''

''Santana,'' Brittany said in that soft soothing manner.

Santana folded her arms and looked out to the side at the waters. She went suddenly quiet and calm.

Brittany however turned her focus on Quinn. ''If you want someone to blame for getting stranded on this unicorn, Quinn, blame me. It's my birthday, we're the reason we're all out here. If you want someone to take your weird aggression out take it out on me...even though we all know _this_ has nothing to do with being stuck out here.''

''What?'' Quinn asked.

Brittany shrugged as if it were obvious. ''I mean you're obviously still peeved about earlier and just looking to lash out. Us getting stuck out here gave you a reason.''

''What?'' Quinn asked yet again, even though Brittany had clearly nailed it.

''Earlier,'' Brittany kept on. ''When we were all sitting around talking about work and all you did was complain and get upset at us for telling you that you were too talented to waste your time bearding for some actor.''

Quinn's right eye twitched. ''That isn't-that's not...no!''

Sugar, Tina and Mercedes exchanged glances. Quinn's denial was so transparent.

''Fine,'' Quinn huffed, tilting her chin up into the air. ''Since you brought it up again and since you insist it's the root of all this, let's just have it out shall we? I still don't understand why you all appeared to be so appalled by the fact that I might be considering that offer.''

Tina looked skywards and exhaled. ''I would rather pee in front of all of you again than have this conversation.''

''No we're having it,'' Quinn said matter of factly. ''It's not like we have much else to do since we're stuck floating out here until morning. If we have to spend the night in this unicorn let's get real here.''

''You want to get real Quinn?'' Santana asked, turning her focus back to the conversation. ''Let's. Cause the truth is you've always been an actress _even before you were an actress_.''

''What does that mean exactly?'' Quinn questioned.

''It means you play parts according to what you think your audience wants to see,'' Brittany said, leapfrogging onto Santana's words. ''President of the celibacy club, wannabe prom queen, skank, those were all performances. And now you're playing a different role, trying to be the next great Serious Actress on the scene because you want to be in the same league as Keira Knightly or Emma Watson or whoever. But you don't really care about the work, you care about the status. It wouldn't be wildly out of character for you to sign some secret contract to be some douchebag actor's fake girlfriend if that meant you could skip a few steps to get where you want to be.''

''Is that what you really think?'' Quinn looked around the group. ''Is that what you all think?''

Mercedes licked her lips and looked almost apologetic when she nodded. ''I mean….to a degree. I love you, Quinn, but they're not exactly wrong here.''

''And what about you?'' Quinn asked Tina.

Tina frowned and chuckled in a hurt sort of way. ''Well I don't know Quinn. What do you think I feel? And does it even matter? You dumped all over my work earlier and you didn't think two seconds about it. They might not be Darren Aronofsky films, but my movies are fun and goofy and sweet and I choose those projects because I actually enjoy making people smile and laugh. I actually care about storytelling. You didn't get into acting because you cared about storytelling...you got into it because it's what you'd already been doing your whole life.''

Quinn flinched at that, obviously wounded by their opinions of her.

''I see,'' Quinn said like a fussy little toddler. ''Well next time you can just forget about inviting me to any future gatherings if I'm such a sell out according to all of you!''

''Noted,'' Santana said. ''In fact if that's how you wanna be then we can take it to the next level, Fabray!''

Quinn laugh-scoffed. ''Oh please, your lucky you have your wife here with you because we all know any potential fight between us would end with you crying into Brittany's arms.''

''Puh yeah right!'' Santana shouted. ''You know what I'm starting to think this whole weekend was a total mistake. I should've known you would find a way to make the weekend all about you! I'll be glad when we're rescued so we can go our own ways and I won't ever have to see you again!''

''You know this conversation would be _really dramatical_ if we weren't all sitting in a unicorn as it unfolded,'' Sugar noted to no one specifically.

Santana stood up and made a gesture down at the float. ''I hereby declare the front of this unicorn a Quinn-free zone. You see this invisible line I'm drawing, Q, you are not allowed to cross it. This half of the boat belongs to me! You go sit in the ass of the unicorn with Sugar!''

''I don't want to sit in the ass with Sugar!'' Quinn hollered.

''What's wrong with sitting in the ass?'' Sugar asked.

''You cannot ban me from the front side of the float!'' Quinn rolled her eyes.

''Yeah I can!'' laughed Santana. ''This float belongs to Brittany that means I'm like the co-captain of this unicorn. You stay on the ass side where you belong!''

Mercedes sighed inwardly. ''I could've been on a yacht with Rihanna this weekend I have you all know. She invited me! This drama is not what I came here for.''

Tina squirmed in her seat. ''You guys I think I got a rash or something from peeing in the water somehow. I'm like itchy all of a sudden down there.''

Suar nodded knowingly. ''Loch Ness monster water is probably rife with bacteria.''

''Did we or did we not just all agree that we could survive anything together?!'' Brittany shouted over everyone. ''We were having a good time a couple of hours ago. But now the second things get real, this is what happens? I thought we were all better than that!''

The group went silent at Brittany's chastising.

Here it was. Her birthday and they were acting like fools.

''I think everyone should just be quiet for the next hour or two,'' Santana said and rubbed at Brittany's back. ''We probably all need a time out.''

And so it went like that for the next few hours. The float bobbed in the water as silence took them over. Each of them sat in sad resignation.

Mercedes and Tina both wrapped themselves up in their robes and went fetal in an attempt to get comfortable and maybe catch a little shut eye if possible. Quinn turned away from the group, turning her back to them and laid herself down facing the inside wall of the float. Sugar used her own robe as a sort of blanket and pulled it over her head as she laid down as well.

Santana and Brittany however were wide awake.

''I'm sorry, Brittany.''

''For what?''

''All of this,'' Santana answered. ''I just wanted to give you a nice weekend. I didn't mean to start anything with Quinn and I certainly didn't mean for us to get stranded out here.''

''I know.'' Brittany smiled despite their situation. ''Your heart was in the right place. Getting all of us together, that was really sweet and special.''

''I had one more surprise for you that I was going to give you tonight, you know.''

''Oh?''

Santana nodded somewhat proudly. ''Yeah.''

''I don't know,'' Brittany said, relaxing back and pulling Santana into her for a side cuddle. ''I don't see how you could top this unicorn.''

''Yeah well I'm starting to regret this unicorn.''

''I don't. I mean I'm not exactly happy that we're stuck out here but, this unicorn is awesome. I love it. And I love you.''

''I love you too.''

''Did you really mean what you said earlier?'' Brittany asked quietly. ''About me being the most magical thing in your life?''

''Of course I meant it. You are. I'm sorry your birthday weekend couldn't be as magical as you. This day took a pretty sucky turn...and I don't mean that in the good way.''

''I don't know about that. This isn't the ideal way I had us spending my birthday night but we're together right?'' She motioned upwards with her hand. ''And we're under the stars. There could be worse things.''

''True. We could be eaten by the Loch Ness monster,'' Santana chuckled.

''Do not joke about something that's real Santana,'' Brittany playfully warned.

Santana shook her head and tightened her arms around Brittany. ''I guess we should try to get some sleep too now huh?''

''Yeah you go ahead,'' Brittany encouraged. ''I'll stay up to protect us from any potential mythical creature attacks.''

''Are you sure?''

''Yeah I think I'm gonna be up for a bit. You get some sleep.''

Santana yawned and curled herself against Brittany who held her protectively as Santana started to doze off.

This, Brittany thought, was not at all what she had imagined when Santana had surprised her the previous day for her birthday. It was supposed to be a relaxing four day weekend but here they were, stuck in the middle of a huge body of water on a giant unicorn.

''Happy Brithday to me,'' Brittany said as she looked at her slumbering friends and wife inside of the float.

X

 **one more chapter to go...**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sunday Morning. 3:32 am.**

Despite the chill in the air and the constant bobbing of the unicorn on the surface of the water the group managed to collectively get a few hours of shut eye. It wasn't very pleasant or comfortable but it was sleep and thus a brief halt in the petty bickering that had been going on earlier in the evening.

Santana tossed and turned against Brittany. She usually found sleeping in her wife's arms soothing but it was simply impossible for her to enjoy it when it sounded like someone was using a chainsaw a few feet away.

She wasn't sure who but someone in the float was snoring up a storm and annoying the hell out of her.

She had to sit up and wipe the sleep from her eyes. Everyone appeared to be sleeping like a log right through it for the most part. Quinn was still facing the wall of the float. Mercedes was knocked out to her left. Brittany was sleeping soundly behind Santana herself. And Sugar, well Santana couldn't exactly see Sugar who had thrown her robe over herself like a blanket, covering her face and the top half of her body in the process.

That of course left Tina who was sleeping on her back, spread out starfish style with her mouth wide open, emitting deep throaty horrible sounding snores. Santana grunted.

''Pssst!'' she hissed at Tina's slumbering form.

Tina made no response other than to smack her lips together a few times before resuming her loud airy snores.

''Yo Chang,'' Santana tried again, this time in a hushed but firm whisper. ''Wake up.''

Again Tina continued to sleep.

''Tina I swear to god if you don't wake up I'm gonna murder you in this unicorn,'' Santana whispered as she crawled towards her sleeping friend. She poked Tina in the cheek. And then on her nose. Then she even wiggled a finger in her ear. Nothing. When Tina didn't wake Santana picked Tina's limp arm up and made the girl smack herself in the face with it and with that Tina finally jerked her body upright.

''Ah what the hell?!'' Tina said, shocked out of her sleep by her stinging cheek. ''What are you doing?''

''You're going off like a power tool over here,'' Santana said in explanation. ''You snore.''

''So you slapped me?''

''Technically you slapped yourself.''

Tina narrowed her eyes.

''Hey, I could've just thrown you overboard.''

''Well thanks for not drowning me I guess,'' Tina muttered.

In any other circumstance Santana would've been ready with sly combative quip but given the situation she just wasn't in the mood to escalate things any further with anyone. ''Sorry,'' she said, running a hand through her hair. ''I just couldn't sleep.''

Tina waved it off. She didn't appear to be in the mood to bicker either. ''It's whatever. I was having a nightmare anyway.''

''What was it about?''

''I dreamt we were still stranded in the unicorn but instead of water we were floating in nothing but fondue and we were forced to eat our way back to shore.''

''Gross.''

''And then Bigfoot and the Loch Ness monster showed up and started an epic karaoke battle with us.''

''Weird.''

''You and Bigfoot did a pretty bomb cover of _Bodak Yellow_ together.''

''Oh work,'' Santana said appreciatively through laughter.

''I probably just ate too much birthday cake,'' Tina laughed along with her. ''Don't worry though, you won't have to hear anymore snoring from me. I'll be sure to sleep on my side.''

Santana watched as Tina again situated her body, curling up on her side and tucking an arm under her head to use like a pillow. Santana waited for a few moments and then once she was sure Tina had indeed fallen back asleep and that her snoring had ceased in her new position Santana tried to settle herself back down. She moved herself back into Brittany's front and got comfortable again. She felt her eyes begin to slowly blink, eager for sleep to come over her.

She felt it too, just right there, the sweet sweet bliss of total unconsciousness.

But then she heard something again, and again she cracked open a curious eye.

''The fuck,'' she sighed to herself.

There was another noise coming from somewhere within the float. Except this noise was noticeably different. She sat up and poked Tina awake again.

''What,'' Tina groaned in annoyance.

''Do you hear that?'' Santana asked.

''I wasn't snoring.''

''No I know, it was something else.''

Tina looked slightly chastised as she sat up. ''Look I'm sorry if I accidentally farted in my sleep okay? I have stomach and digestive issues I take medication for, because we're stuck out here I had to miss one of my doses alright? It's not like I'm proud of it.''

''What, no, ew.'' Santana grimaced. She really didn't need to know about Tina and her sleep-farting issues. ''But that's not it. Do you hear that? Listen. It's like, like-''

Tina squinted as she strained to hear. ''A soft beeping noise?''

''Yeah.''

They made eye contact and went silent and there in the silence was indeed a very soft, very faint beepy noise. It had no pattern or rhythm to it though and sounded off sporadically. Sometimes a number of beeps could be heard rapidly one after the other while other times there were several seconds between them.

''What is that?'' Tina whispered.

''Whatever it is _it's coming from inside the unicorn_ ,'' Santana deduced. ''There it is again.''

''And again.''

They began to look around them, sifting through the bits of trash on the floor of the float trying to locate the origin of the noise. They even took turns leaning over and observing each of their friends to make sure it wasn't coming from any of them. The sound wasn't anywhere near Quinn, or Mercedes and definitely not Brittany, which left Sugar.

Sugar who was still using her robe as a blanket and had pulled it over the top half of her body.

''You know what this beeping sound sounds like right,'' Santana began quietly to Tina.

Tina nodded knowingly and whispered back. ''Someone texting.''

They quietly and covertly maneuvered themselves towards the ass of the unicorn where Sugar was tucked away. Santana made a gesture with her hands indicating they were going to pull Sugar's robe away on the count of three. Together they counted down and with that they yanked the thin robe away from their friend to reveal Sugar lounging underneath it with a phone in hand, the glow of it illuminating her face.

 _Bloop!_

''What the hell is that?!'' Santana shouted. ''You have a phone?''

''You've had one this whole time?!'' Tina joined in on the shouting. ''You said you didn't have one on you. Where were you even hiding it, you're wearing a bikini.''

''It's funny you should ask,'' Sugar chuckled nervously. ''See I do these kegel exercises and-''

''Shut up!'' Santana wasn't waiting for an explanation, she lunged at Sugar and made to grab her cell. ''You! Give me that?!''

''Noooooo!'' Sugar scream-whined.

As the two began tussling and wrestling about the others began to wake up in confusion.

''What is going on?'' Mercedes asked while wiping the sleep away from her eyes.

''Sugar,'' Tina hollered. ''Sugar was hiding a phone this entire time!''

''What,'' Quinn asked and rubbed at her face. ''You mean we could've had a way off of this float hours ago?!''

Brittany chimed in as well. ''We could've called for help and been rescued?''

''Is no one going to stop Santana from throttling me over here?!'' Sugar huffed from her spot underneath Santana who had gotten the upper hand on her.

Once Santana pried the phone away from Sugar she let her go, removing herself from the smaller woman's body. She moved back towards Brittany and panted, trying to regain her breath.

''I can't believe you, Sugar,'' Mercedes sighed and shook her head in utter disappointment. ''We've been out here for hours and you hid this the entire time. Why?''

Sugar looked like a kid caught with her hand in the cookie jar. ''I just wanted all of us to have, like, a moment together. You know?''

''No,'' Quinn said dryly, unamused and unmoved.

Sugar's shoulders sank. ''Like that story Brittany told us earlier about her going streaking and those girls pulling a prank on her by stealing her clothes and how even though it was horrible it also served as a total bonding moment between her, Santana and Quinn. It isn't like it used to be in high school anymore. We don't get to see each other but what, once a year if that? I wanted all of us to have a moment this weekend. Something, you know? Something that would change us and bond us forever and that we'd never forget.''

No one really wanted to hear Sugar out though.

''You know what, Motta?'' Santana narrowed her gaze at Sugar. ''All of your weird little quirks and stories and whatnot, I can usually tolerate them because it's you, but this little stunt? It's not cute. And the minute we're back on dry land you can bet your ass I'm unfollowing you on all social media platforms.''

Sugar audibly gasped. ''You wouldn't,'' she begged with emotion, her eyes watering and her lips trembling. ''Santana no!''

''Oh yeah,'' Santana threatened. ''Consider yourself blocked.''

''You can expect the same from me,'' Quinn added coldly.

''But! Wuh-what will my followers think?'' Sugar was emotionally crumbling before them at the thought of her online presence being taking a hit.

''I don't think any of us really give a crap about your followers right now,'' Tina said. ''I peed in front of all of you, Sugar. You didn't think to spare me that humiliation?''

''I can't believe you would do this to us Sugar,'' Brittany said in an admonishing tone. ''And on my birthday.''

There was nothing but silence and disappointment in the air then.

''Alright,'' Santana started after a few moments of quiet. ''I'm gonna make a call and get us some help.''

Quinn waved her hand around making grabby motions with it as if expecting Santana to hand it over. ''I think it's best if you left the rest to me, Santana.''

''Uh why?'' Santana asked as she unlocked Sugar's phone by swiping up and began to navigate through it.

''I just think you've screwed up this weekend enough for all of us already,'' Quinn answered. ''Why don't you leave it to someone capable to get us rescued?''

''I can get us rescued.''

''Sure,'' Quinn said unconvinced. ''Look you've already ruined Brittany's birthday - so just hand me the phone and let me get us back to shore?''

''Ah hell here we go,'' Mercedes mumbled under her breath. Another petty squabble.

Santana flared at Quinn's accusation of having ruined her own wife's birthday. After all of the work and effort and thought she had put into it for Brittany and her for her friends, and this is how Quinn wanted to play it.

''What the fuck ever, Fabray,'' Santana said. ''I'm unfollowing you right along with Sugar. Consider this friendship over.''

Quinn was unphased. ''Fine with me. And FYI consider yourself disinvited from any and all future premieres of mine.''

''Fantastic!'' Santana continued snottily. ''Oh and just so's ya knows your last movie, the Carol rip-off, sucked! I lied about liking it! You suck at playing a lesbian!''

''What?'' Quinn shouted. ''That is the most hurtful thing you have ever said to me!''

''Really?'' Tina squeaked. ''That? Out of all the things Santana's ever said.''

Quinn and Santana began to play a game of tug-o-war with the phone, grunting and growling at each other as they each tried to pull it away. The others meanwhile shouted around them nonsensically at the top of their lungs.

''Quinn stop!'' Santana hollered as the float began to become unstable with all of the movement.

''You stop!''

''No I'm serious,'' Santana said. ''You're jumping around to much!''

''You're going to capsize my unicorn,'' Brittany shouted in alarm.

And then as if in slow motion the phone slipped up and into the air between Santana and Quinn who both mad to grab it. Unfortunately they only succeeded in batting it into the water where it sank below the surface.

''Shitgoddamnmotherfuck!'' Santana cried out as they all watched their only lifeline disappear. ''Quinn, you're lucky we have witnesses right now. If we didn't your white girl ass would be in the water.''

''Me? This is all on you!'' Quinn pointed a finger into Santana's shoulder, giving her a tiny but harsh nudge.

''Who cares whose fault it is,'' Mercedes said. ''If you two weren't constantly trying to one up each other we could've used the phone to get help, but nooooooo.''

''This is how we're going to die,'' Sugar whimpered through a shiver.

''We are not going to die,'' said Tina.

''This is all your fault, Santana!'' Quinn accused.

Santana scoffed in response. ''How is this my fault?''

''You slapped our only cell phone out of my hand!'' Quinn reminded her.

''Only because you were freaking out and about to totally capsize us, Quinn!'' Brittany defended her wife. ''She was trying to settle you down!''

Nearby Mercedes sighed inwardly to herself. ''This is the last time I participate in any sort of White Nonsense with you guys, I swear.''

''I'm not white!'' Tina shouted.

''And neither am I,'' added Santana.

''Well whatever!'' Mercedes folded her arms up in defiance. ''The next time any of you want to go on some ridiculous adventure you can count me out!''

''WILL EVERYBODY SHUT UP!'' Brittany screamed as she stood up above the others and held her hands out, silencing them all. Once she felt like she had their attention she walked to the edge of the unicorn. ''You know what? It's my birthday and I'm tired of listening to everyone argue and act like children. Here's what's going to happen, the sun is coming up and I'm going to try to swim to shore. Once I do I'll get to a phone and call for help and get the rest of you rescued.''

''Brittany wait,'' Santana began, standing up to join her wife. ''What if you get hurt?''

''I won't,'' Brittany said confidently. ''Yes it was probably too dangerous to swim for it last night but day is breaking and I feel like it's safe to make a go of it. Plus I'm the strongest swimmer here, I know what I'm doing. I'll just be extra careful and slow as I make it through the seaweed muck and then it's just a straight shot back to the beach house. I'll phone the local authorities and get a boat or something out here to come get you guys.''

''I'll go with you then,'' Santana said, prepared to leap into the water with her wife.

''No you won't. You stay here with the girls.''

Santana squinted and nodded. ''You're right they need me as their leader.''

Brittany smirked at her poor poor dumbass love of her life. ''Yeah that and you can barely swim. I don't want to have to stop every five seconds because _something touched your leg_. Trust me, babe, I'll be fine on my own okay?''

''Okay.''

Brittany was certain she could make the journey safely but she still decided to give Santana a big and proper goodbye kiss, and even copped a nice feel of Santana's ass before giving the rest of her friends a salute and hopping down into the water.

Brittany was several yards out and away from them before she turned back and addressed the float. ''Just hold tight and I'll be back.''

The girls smiled tight smiles, hopeful but slightly worried to see their friend off on her own in the water. And then it was a waiting game as the bobbed along in the water. Minutes felt like hours, and hours felt like years to Santana though who had plopped herself onto the edge of the unicorn and flopped her arms out, letting them hang lazily against the side of the unicorn. She kind of looked like a sad muppet to the others who began to soften and take pity on her. They took turns assuring her that all would be fine and that Brittany was strong enough to do it on her own but Santana just laid there looking pathetic and pouty. She wouldn't be able to relax until she knew for sure.

''I'm sorry…'' Quinn said breaking a brief period of silence. ''To all of you for everything. I've been an ass this weekend. I came out here and tried to make every conversation about me and my own discontent instead of celebrating why we were all here to begin with. Brittany. And now she's out there all alone. All alone on her birthday. ''

''Oh Quinn,'' Sugar comforted her friend, pulling her into a side hug. ''She's not alone. The Loch Ness monster is with her.''

Everyone collectively rolled their eyes and Quinn continued on. ''My point is I would never forgive myself if anything ever happened to her. I'm sorry for ruining everyone's weekend with my attitude. I'm sorry, Sugar, Tina, Mercedes...Santana….Santana?''

''I feel like Rose in Titanic,'' Santana said dejectedly as she stared down into the water.

''Since we're making with apologies I guess I owe one to everyone too,'' Sugar said, after all it was her doing that led them all to be stranded in the unicorn in the first place. ''I know it doesn't mean anything or make up for it but I only did what I did because I miss you guys. I just wanted us to have a memorable weekend together and maybe just maybe just stretch our time together out for a little while longer. It was stupid and wrong and selfish and I'm sorry.''

''I don't agree with your method but in a twisted way, I almost get where you were coming from Sugar,'' Tina said sympathetically.

''You know as frustrating as all of this has been I think you succeeded,'' Mercedes had to admit. ''I don't see myself ever forgetting this trip and if I had to be stranded anywhere with anyone I'm glad it was with you girls.''

''Me too,'' Quinn laughed.

''Yeah?'' Sugar perked up.

''Of course if you ever do anything like this again I'll have to unsubscribe to you,'' Tina warned.

Sugar made a little motion with her hand, crossing her heart and making a silent promise to never pull another stunt that involved the lives of other people.

''Can I at least vlog about this experience?'' she asked.

''No!'' everyone shouted in unison.

By 6am their rescue finally showed up. Eventually Brittany along with a few local lifeguards arrived in a motorized boat. The guards all had a hearty chuckle at their expense as they helped them over into the boat. A couple of them even took pictures of the unicorn and the rescue process. It wasn't every day they got to rescue someone from a giant unicorn and it certainly wasn't every day that they got to rescue a few celebrities either. Aside from the laughs though the lifeguards were professional, making sure everyone was safe and warm, providing them with blankets before starting the boat. Brittany insisted they toss a rope around the unicorn's neck and bring it back with them. It was her birthday gift after all.

By the end of the hour they had found themselves back on dry land. They thanked the lifeguards, posed for several selfies and given a few autographs to show their appreciation and sent the team off. And with that they had all walked their way back to the beach house with Sugar and Tina falling behind to drag the giant unicorn into the back yard. They tossed it into the swimming pool where it took up a considerable amount of space given the size. Everyone then retired to their own rooms, exhausted and worn out from the entire ridiculous ordeal. Being in such close proximity for an extended period of time caused everyone to draw into themselves.

Santana and Brittany closed themselves up in the master bedroom. The first thing they did was strip and get into the shower, they let it get extra steamy, so desperate to wash the last several hours away. Afterwards they toddled out, pulled on fresh, fluffy robes and collapsed onto the mattress together, eager to catch some shut eye in a proper bed.

They napped until noon, until Santana's growling stomach stirred her awake. She groaned as she sat up and stretched her sore limbs. She then smiled down at Brittany who was still snoozing away, apparently still worn out from her swim to shore. Santana didn't have the heart to wake her. She snuck out of the room quietly and walked downstairs in search of a snack. On her way there she noted the dining room and living area were empty - it appeared as if the others were still holed up in the guest bedrooms and had yet to peek out yet.

She paused when she walked into the kitchen area. It appeared one other person had indeed gotten up for the day.

''Why do you have five cans of whipped cream in here?'' Quinn questioned her as she examined the contents of the beach house's fridge.

''Not that it's any of your bidness but for sex purposes,'' Santana answered. ''Obviously.''

''Right,'' said Quinn with a hint of a smile. She didn't dwell on the matter and instead pulled out a couple of pre-made salad bowls. ''I'm starving. You want?''

''Sure.''

Quinn placed the two bowls on the kitchen island and found a couple of forks. They each took a seat on a stool and began to eat in silence, taking comfort in the other's quiet crunching.

''Are we okay?'' Quinn asked after a moment.

''I mean...I guess?'' Santana wasn't sure herself.

''My behavior has been appalling and I get that now. I let my own professional frustration leak into this weekend and that was wrong of me.'' Quinn shrugged and tossed a piece of tomato into her mouth. ''It's just that seeing all of you happy and thriving-''

''Pissed you off?''

''I wouldn't say that. I am genuinely happy for you. All of you. I suppose I just felt like I was losing the race. You're all doing so well and I felt a little left behind in the career department.''

''You know there's no race right? And if there is it's only with yourself. Like yeah, doing good work is great and fulfilling but we never saw you as anything less. And if you want to get some publicity by bearding from some actor, do what you gotta do. We might not understand it but at the end of the day we'll respect it.''

Quinn twitched her nose at that. ''You know the deal wasn't thaaaaaat good anyway. I'll probably pass on it. Doing the PR relationship thing would just eat up a lot of my time. And anyway I checked my phone when we got back and I had some messages from my agent. Another project came in. It's another thinky indie movie but on the plus side I get to play another lesbian again.''

Santana laughed. ''Maybe that's your calling Quinn. You get to play a lesbian or two, get yourself a loyal lady fanbase and bam, you'll have a career for life. You get in with the lesbians and they'll take care of you.''

''You think?''

''Lesbian fandom migration Q, it's a thing. That's solid career advice right there.''

Quinn seemed very receptive to this idea as she crunched on a crouton. ''Well, no matter what, no matter how many lesbian supporters and fans I collect along the way I just want you to know...you'll always be my favorite Santana.''

''Gay,'' Santana sassed.

X

The day rolled into afternoon and eventually the others began to trickle out of their rooms, showered, rested and freshly dressed. Quinn prepared everyone a proper meal and once again as they had the previous day they all opted to eat within the sitting area, spreading themselves out on various pieces of furniture.

''...and so then I punched Logan Paul in the face and was escorted off the premises,'' Sugar said, concluding yet another wild story from her life as a megastar social media influencer. ''I mean I thought he was Jake at the time but to be honest they're both super punchable so I didn't feel too bad about it.''

''What is your life?'' Tina asked, astounded.

''Which reminds me I have something for all of you.'' Sugar placed her food aside and went to retrieve a nearby travel bag. She unzipped it, riffled around for a bit and then pulled out a stack of clothing. ''Because you're all so near and dear to my heart I wanted to give you guys something really special. So as you all know my fans at my official website but I thought it'd be a treat so I'm giving you all exclusive first dibs on my new t-shirt design that won't be going up for sale, cause you're that special to me.''

Sugar tossed them each a shirt and they unfurled them against their bodies. The t-shirt design saw Sugar grinning ear to ear and giving the camera a double thumbs up while cartoon cookies surrounded her.

''You're all my most cherished Sugar Cookies,'' Sugar said, moved by her own words and her own gifts to them.

''Gee. Uh. Thanks?'' Mercedes said, trying not to laugh at the absurd design. ''I love it.''

''That's very sweet Sugar,'' Quinn said, humoring the girl.

''Yours is autographed, Brittany, cause you're the birthday girl,'' Sugar said smugly. ''So yours had to extra special.''

''Wow,'' Brittany said politely smiling to appease her friend.

''You really shouldn't have Sugar,'' Santana said, trying to hide her grimace with a grin instead.

''Yeah well I mean it,'' Sugar carried on fondly. ''You're like my favorite people in the world, I know high school is long over but I still look up to you. All of you. It felt like an honor to even be included in this weekend. Everyone's all over the place now and I guess it's why I hid the phone. I wanted us to make a memory together. Something that would bond us for life, something that we could look back on and laugh over when we all go our separate ways again. Something we would share for the rest of our lives. All that talk about high school being the best times of our lives made me think. Don't get me wrong high school was a blast but if you ask me, _right now is the times of our lives_ and I wanted us to have something to remember that by.''

The group turned quiet and almost solemn at Sugar's words which were surprisingly heartfelt.

It was Sunday and their weekend together was quickly coming to a close and no one really seemed to want to face that just yet. Mercedes and Tina, quick to change the mood and atmosphere, clapped their hands then and announced it was time they all partake in one last hurrah. The two of them got everyone up, gathered another bottle of champagne as well as some glasses and led them out of the house. They traveled through the backyard, bypassing the swimming pool and the unicorn and made their way back down the steps that led to the beach.

''Since this is it I think we should make a toast,'' Mercedes said as she handed out the glasses. Tina meanwhile popped the bottle open and began serving everyone. ''Here's to the birthday girl of course…'' Mercedes paused briefly as everyone hooted and whistled for Brittany who simply lifted her glass in thanks. ''And her lovely wife for allowing us to be their guests and for giving us a vacation only Brittany and Santana could provide. I know we all said some gnarly stuff over the last several hours but I'm happy to be standing here with all of you now. I'm gonna miss you girls when we leave and I hope it's not another year before we get to do this again.''

''...what if it is though?'' Quinn asked sadly.

''Then that just means we better make the most of the our last night,'' Brittany said and promptly downed her champagne in a messy but celebratory gulp. She then tossed her drinking glass to the ground and began pulling her clothes off, starting with her loose beachy sweater.

''Wait, what are you doing?'' asked Santana.

''Something wild,'' Brittany announced with a sure smile. ''Something that we'll always remember. Something that will bond us for life.''

''What?'' Tina asked, not quite comprehending.

Quinn however understood right away. ''Streaking? Are you serious?''

Brittany threw her hands up in the air. ''Why not?'' she laughed as she started to unbutton her tiny jean shorts and wiggle out of them.

Sugar had suggested a group bonding streaking exercise the day before after she heard Brittany's story and at the time everyone had chuckled and scoffed at it, but now in a different light, the idea didn't seem so absurd. If anything the idea now seemed almost freeing, powerful. Like a statement or a promise that they would always have love for each other.

It was a private beach and there didn't appear to be anyone around. What was the harm?

''When are we ever going to be this young and free again?'' Brittany asked. ''Who knows, maybe never. Whether we're 35 or 65 I want to look back on this weekend and remember this moment with all of you. Tomorrow we're all going to have to go back to the real world, the real world full of agents and red carpets and flashing lights and contracts and obligations but right here, right now, none of that exists. It's just us and whether we see each other next week, next month or never again at least we'll have this.''

They all began laughing nervously but no one seemed to be objecting. Sugar and Tina were the first ones to start tugging their clothes off, soon Quinn and Mercedes began as well. Santana meanwhile smiled at wife, her wonderfully ridiculous wife.

''What about you,'' Brittany said to her. ''I know it's my birthday but I want to see _you in your birthday suit_.''

Santana began the slow process of tossing her clothes off. ''I can't believe we're doing this.''

''Last one in is a rotten egg!'' Sugar shouted and then began to run - butt naked - into the water.

And just like that they all followed after, jogging in the buff. Well, everyone except Santana who Brittany playfully tripped along the way. Santana had a comical tumble down but hopped back up and hollered at her wife's ass in front of her.

''Damn it, Brittany, I got sand in areas now!'' she shouted and ran to catch up to her friends who were all swimming and splashing about with one another.

Yes. They would always have this.

This moment, this memory, this day. This feeling of freedom and friendship. This break from the reality and the constant chaos that came with fame. This calm that came as they all floated under the sun and away from the world, bare and beautiful and liberated.

They spent a good half hour goofing in the water like that with each other, relishing and relaxing, until they all crawled out and slunk back into their clothes.

''I know I said no social media but we really should take a picture,'' Santana said eventually once everyone was decent.

They gathered in, scrunching together with Sugar in the middle holding her phone up and out to get them all in frame. They smiled into the camera, wet hair and bare faced and happy.

''I think it's time go,'' Quinn said sadly as she looked down at her watch and noted the time. ''I have a plane to catch.''

''Me too,'' Mercedes added. ''We should get back to the house and start packing.''

As everyone started back, Sugar stood behind and stared down at her phone and the picture she had just taken. Brittany studied her friend for a moment before bumping her shoulder.

''So are you gonna post that to your accounts?'' she asked. ''That one will probably get you a crazy amount of views and likes.''

Sugar smiled and shook her head in the negative. ''No. No. This one isn't going up anywhere. This one...this one is just for me.'' She held the phone to her chest, linked arms with Brittany and started them off, following the trail of the others.

X

Santana along with Brittany spent the next couple of hours helping everyone pack and gather their things for their departure.

Tina had voice work to do in post she had been putting off for far too long, Mercedes had a signature makeup palette to promote, Quinn had a meeting with producers. Everyone had things that required their attention bright and early Monday morning. Even Sugar who confided in them that her next project would be huge.

''I'm telling you guys, SugarCon is going to be the next big thing,'' Sugar bragged as she, Tina, Mercedes and Quinn stood with their bags at the front door of the house. ''It's gonna be bigger than TanaCon and DashCon put together, I'm pretty sure those two things went off without a hitch.''

Tina raised her finger into the air as if to warn Sugar against the idea of creating an entire convention based around social media influencers. ''I….you know what, nevermind. Good luck with you on that, Sugar. I'm sure it'll be a huge success.''

''Right, what could go wrong?'' Sugar said with confidence.

The group proceeded to take turns saying goodbye to Santana and Brittany, trading hugs and kisses and words of affection. By the end of it Brittany was waving them off and Santana was on the brink of tears.

''You're crying,'' Brittany said after they watched their friends drive away.

''I'm not crying you're crying,'' Santana said combatively. ''This whole courtroom is crying!''

''What?''

''Don't look at me.'' Santana sniffled and wiped her eyes and then laughed. ''Ugh I need another drink.''

''You know what? Pour me one too.''

Santana did just that and came back to Brittany with two glasses of wine. They took a seat in the living area and watched through the floor to ceiling glass as the sun began to set.

''All things considered this really was the best birthday ever,'' Brittany concluded.

''You think?''

''Absolutely. I got to spend it with my friends, I got a little bit of a tan going on, I got to have some quiet time alone with you. Not a bad way to begin another year on this earth.''

''You do have one more present to open.''

''Hmm?''

''I may have gotten you one final little gift.'' Santana leaned forward and opened a drawer on the sleek coffee table in front of them. She pulled out a small velvety box.

''What is it?''

''You have to open it to find out.''

''Santana,'' Brittany sighed. ''What did you do? Please tell me you did not blow a huge chunk of money on jewelry. You know I only like to wear my wedding ring. I know what you make and I know we can afford things like this but I don't care about shiny things.''

''Well, why don't you take a peek because I think you're going to like this shiny thing.''

Cautiously Brittany took the box in hand and with a flick of her thumb she popped it open.

There on a tiny cushion was indeed a very shiny thing.

A key.

''What is this?''

''What does it look like?'' Santana asked.

''A key, but what is it to?''

Santana lifted a shoulder all nonchalant like. ''Your new beach house.''

''What?''

''You heard me.'' Santana made a wave to the house they were in.

''I thought you said you rented it.''

''Yeah well I was going to in the beginning but the more I looked at the place I decided we deserved it for more than just a weekend so, I bought it.''

''You bought it?''

''You're always talking about how you wish we could get away from the city more often and I figured why not. This way any time we need a break from work or agents or whatever, we can just take a little trip and get a little peace and quiet.''

Brittany groaned into the kiss she laid on Santana then, all playful and sloppy like. ''You!'' she shouted in astonishment. ''You're unbelievable.''

''It's true, I am, can't be helped,'' Santana said, pleased with her wife's reaction. ''Now we can escape the real world whenever we want and we can invite the girls out any time or they can even use it when they need a break.''

''You always know what I want and what I need.''

Santana looked almost bashful as she ducked her head.

''And I love this. I love this more than anything Santana. This is the best gift in the world baby but-''

''But?''

''But there is one more b-day wish I have.''

''Okay,'' Santana said. ''I mean I just bought us a house, what more could you wish for?''

'' _Can you do me in the unicorn?''_ Brittany asked and made baby seal claps under her chin.

Santana rolled her eyes. _''Uh of course I'll do you in the unicorn.''_

In unison they jumped up and made a dash to the sliding glass door that led to the backyard. In a matter of seconds they stripped until they were completely naked and jumped into the huge unicorn that was floating about in the pool. Santana found herself landing on top of Brittany in a tangle of limbs.

''Hey Brittany?''

''Yeah?''

''Happy Birthday.''

 **The End**

X

 **So can Netflix get on this and make this a Glee girls reunion movie or something? Let's be real, the Glee girls are the only ones anyone cares about anyway. Anyways that's that. If this is messy I apologize I wrote this last chapter in a day. I hope I gave you a laugh. Tell me what you think and take care!**


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